Thought Catalog Copycat #2: What People Won't Tell You About Love

(I'm back at it - copying off of my favorite daily read. The inspiration: What People Won't Tell You About Love by Ryan O'Connell.)

People might tell you that love is the best feeling in the world, but they won't tell you that it has the means of being the worst feeling in the world, too. People won't tell you that love is scary. It's scary because you never know when it will be gone. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that, even when you think it's love, it's really only lust, or infatuation, or like, but it's not love at all. People won't tell you that love is only love until someone isn't in love anymore. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that love, contrary to popular belief, really is a game. People won't tell you that love is all about power, about strength, about being the bigger person. People won't tell you that you are too self-absorbed to love someone right now. People won't tell you to take a breather, or to sit this one out. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that you are being used. They won't tell you that the attention someone is giving you is actually for their own benefit more than yours, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that your relationship should have ended a long time ago. People won't tell you that, while relationships are hard and difficult, yours is way too hard, and way too difficult, and there is someone better for you. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People will rush to tell you to 'get over it,' or to 'let it go,' but people won't tell you to keep trying, try again, try harder. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that when you do feel like you could be in love, when it's that rare, rare feeling, where you're giddy and passionate, and your reality is so great it couldn't possibly be reality, they won't tell you that you found a keeper. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that when there is someone that's the first person you think of in the morning, and they cross your mind more than anyone else throughout each day, and they're the last person you think of at night, people won't tell you to hold on to that. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you, once you've found that person, to stay by their side. People won't tell you how rare that is, and they won't tell you how crazy you are to let that love go. They won't tell you because it might hurt to hear.

People won't tell you that not hearing these things will definitely hurt worse than hearing them ever could.

4 OkCupid Syndromes Catching On Like the Plague

I am the first to admit I'm not big into dating these days. Call me lazy, call me cynical, call me whatever you like, but dating is just not something I'm subjecting myself to at this point in time. However, that doesn't keep me from stalking every boyish-looking lesbian I see on OkCupid; even if they do happen to reside in Ontario, Canada and their status explicitly states that they are "Seeing Someone" (don't get me started as to why those that are "Seeing Someone" have recently viewed my page, or even have their own page to begin with...).

By doing my fair share of creepin' during my single days, (and writing the very, very rare "hey, you look like I could like you" message- Not all of the girls are awful, after all), I've noticed some rather large trends among the lesbian community on OkCupid. If you ever wonder, like, I don't know, five years from now, why I am still hopelessly single and why I've gone on less than 2 dates, just reread this article and you'll be reminded. 

The syndromes working against all single, somewhat normal lesbians on OkCupid:

1. The Self-Proclaimed Nomad Syndrome
The first thing in their profile is that they just quit their day job in order to take off to some magical place that might as well be fucking Atlantis or some shit. I'm not sure when it became such a "queer" thing to do- this whole up and leaving thing. Or maybe it's an 'everyone in their twenties' thing (I'd have to get the opinions of my straight friends, as I'm not an expert in the area). Either way, how does one expect to build any kind of lasting relationship while building a life of leaving? I completely understand the urge to get away to a bigger and better place. Trust me, it crosses my mind on a regular basis. But then I call my sister and have her bring me back down to Earth (honest- this just happened last night. Right, Shannon?) She reminds me that I have an awesome, legit job, a close-knit family, friends, and a home. It's like I'm having an asthma attack and she's my inhaler...... Weird. Anyways, ROOTS, people, it's called ROOTS. Travel the globe, yes, please do this. But build a future, too. It's not just about the here and now. Don't wait until your 40, homeless, and broke to discover this.

2. The 'I'm a Vegetarian' Syndrome
I don't judge what other people eat. OBVIOUSLY. But I simply cannot express to you how unbelievably excited I get when I come across a hot, funny, stylish lesbian who also happens to include in her profile that "chicken wings are my favorite!" It's like this: I know plenty of vegetarians, and it's totally fine, I respect it and don't mind it. But it's turned into a fun game. Finding a lesbian on OkCupid that isn't a vegetarian feels sort of like I just found the final item on my Girl Scout Scavenger Hunt list. I can now receive my LESBIANS WHO EAT MEAT patch. That's right, bitches.

3. The "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" Syndrome
I don't read. I can't. I've tried everything in my power. It's a wretched cycle I cannot break: I research books for days on end, finally purchase one, get through Chapter 2, fall asleep, the book doesn't leave my nightstand ever again. I think I have something wrong with me, because I want to read SO badly, but it just doesn't work out. Well, apparently, I'm the only lesbian like this. Every other lesbian seems to have a list a mile long of books that they ABSOLUTELY LOVE, and anyone who doesn't read is just not smart. I can take that... I've been called worse. But seriously, read something other than "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." That movie is about to come out, soon enough I'll be able to lie and tell you I read the book, anyways. Now who's the smart one?!

4. The 21 & Up Syndrome
I took this straight out of a billion lesbian profiles. When OkCupid asks "What Are You Interested In?", it's like a written rule that anyone of the age to drink alcohol is a potential mate.

"Interested in: Girls that like Girls
Ages: 21-35
Located: Anywhere."

Well, excuse me for noticing, but you are THIRTY years old. Just because someone can finally walk across town, simultaneously shot-gunning a beer, without getting a MIP, that doesn't mean they are ready to be in a relationship with you. I'm all for doubling and tripling your odds these days by extending your age range and eliminating all location barriers. But, let's use our heads and think about this. Most lesbians aren't even out of their "I'm going to bang every chick and their mom" phase until they are in their mid-twenties or something like that. If you are seriously looking, raise your standards a bit - or at least by a couple of years.

p.s. As I said, not ALL of the lesbians are awful.. Some of them also enjoy City and Colour, they at least acknowledge that they have a family, and they wear bow ties, along with other miscellaneous things that absolutely melt my gay, gay, EXTREMELY GAY heart. Those lesbians prove that not all hope is completely lost. Thanks for that. OH, and if you are one of them, please message me.

I'm Probably Going to Fall in Love with You If...

I’m Probably Going to Fall in Love with You If…

(you’ve been warned)

·         You save me from my reality.

·         You’d give me a free pass for Kiyomi McCloskey and Tegan Quin.

·         You can introduce me to new things and you aren’t afraid to do something new, too. Who says not having a shit-ton in common is a horrible thing?

·         You have no idea how smart you are.

·         We laugh harder than we’ve laughed in forever.

·         You send me flowers for no reason other than you know I love flowers.

·         You aren’t afraid to play.

·         You aren’t too good to laugh at yourself or ask for help. It’s nice to feel needed.

·         We can hang out with only each other and love it.

·         We can hang out with other people together and remember to pay attention to each other.

·         You don’t mind talking to me throughout the day.

·         You love your family and you can’t wait to meet mine.

·         We can spend money and not harp on each other for it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: no one likes a cheap ass.

·         You recognize when you are wrong or when you are being an ass. We laugh about it when it’s no longer a big deal.

·         You can make me dinner, and don’t expect me to make you dinner in return.  :/ Trust me on this one.

·         We can give each other shit and it’s fun, not mean.

·         You aren’t afraid to spoil someone.

·         We both get justtherightamount jealous of other people. And then we both think it’s cute.

·         You aren’t afraid to dance, even if it means you will make a total fool of yourself.

·         One word texts are nothing that you do.

·         Everyone knows how we feel about each other.

·         If I do something to piss you off, I’m the first to know about it.

·         You like surprises, and you also like to plan them.

·         You give me as much attention as you need in return.

·         You’re persistent.

·         If I tell you I’m insecure about someone/something, you help me to feel better.

·         You aren’t a bad driver, bad tipper, bad kisser, or bad lover. (Is that too much to ask?)

·         You know when it’s okay to act like a child and when it’s okay to act like an adult.

·         You’re the bigger person in your friendships.

·         We can agree to disagree and still want to bang each other.

·         You have your own opinions and aren’t afraid to make them known, but you don’t force them on anyone because that would make you a douche.

·         You feel so great it’s almost too good to be true, but alas, it is indeed true.

30 Things that Cross My Mind on My 30-Minute Commute

Sometimes I legitimately start to think I'm a crazy person due to the random shit that consumes my head during my 30-minute commute. The things that cross my mind are not always healthy, but they are surely ridiculous. In my defense, my morning commute is SO early... 6:30am is far too early to be capable of thinking clearly. That's why the things I think about make me a nut-job. Read on, you'll see what I mean:

1. Monday can suuuuuuuuuuuck my butt.
2. Dear iPod, please stay away from any sad love songs this morning. I'm not stable enough for this nonsense this early in the am. Skip that song... and that song...
3. I wonder what Zac Hanson is doing right now...
4. I definitely shouldn't have stayed out until 3am.
5. NEED CAFFEINE IMMEDIATELY.
6. Reminder: I have to have a job. I worked hard to make it this far. This is what I SHOULD be doing. Just keep swimming.
7. Someday I'll drive a car for this 30 minutes that doesn't have ANY blown speakers, and it will be in. fucking. credible.
8. I think I'm still drunk.
9. What's for breakfast? And lunch? What's for dinner?
10. It's just a little rain, step on it, pokey!
11. Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend... no way, no way, I think you need a new one.
12. I know it's the ass crack of dawn right now, but why must you drive like an idiot?!
13. Hope I don't make any last minute plans for after work because my hair looks a hot mess now, I can only imagine what it will look like 10 hours from now.
14. Ugh, I miss you.
15. How much sick leave do I have available? You're halfway there, Erica. Be a grown up, damnit.
16. I hope no one freaking bothers me today. And I also hope I don't get any random assignments. Or any emails for that matter. Yea, I hope no one emails me or calls me or even LOOKS AT ME.
17. I'm definitely still drunk.
18. I'm totally taking a nap when I get off work.
19. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number...
20. Thank god this day is over, I'm finally free! 
21. What's for dinner?!
22. Go home, run, make something healthy for dinner, don't spend any money.
23. I'm so grateful my sister invited me to dinner, I almost had to go home, run, and make my own dinner! Close call on that one.
24. Why is my gas tank ALWAYS on E? Never fails. 
25. Yes, I dance alone in my car, nosey car next to me. Say somethin!
26. I can't believe I didn't get pulled over just then... must have hit the brakes JIT.
27. ALCOHOL! ALCOHOL!
28. Is it pay day yet?
29. I need sleeeeeeeep.
30. 

4 Cliche Datisms That I Wish Weren't Mine, But Unfortunately They Are and I Have to Live with That, So You Do, Too.

First of all, isn't that a sweet title?! My angst and frustration are vividly demonstrated.

When it comes to dating, you could say I'm like the kid on the soccer team that's really great at scoring goals, and not really great at knowing which goal to score in. Everyone could be yelling from the sidelines that I'm "GOING THE WRONG WAY!" but I'd end up shooting anyway, and making all net, baby, and that's all that matters! Riiiiiight?

If I lost you in that analogy, I think I mean, in terms of dating, I am always chasing after the wrong ones and leaving the good ones a half a field behind me. Maybe not always, but it's definitely been known to happen from time to time.  I'm pretty typical - a typical lesbian, a typical chick, a typical type - you could say. I'd like to think that I'd finally be different for someone, or make someone want to be different and change their own ways, but who am I kidding? Apparently, I'm just a giant walking lesbo cliche.

Here's some things I do in dating that are just super cliche and typical. All I can say about them is I'm aware of them, I TRY to work on them, and my bad, man.

1. Jumping to conclusions. Regardless of your real reasons, I've been known to create my own. Good or bad, well, that's neither here nor there, of course. Maybe it's my independence and my ability to think for myself (yea, that's it...), or maybe it's just that the people I've dated have the tendency to blur the lines a little bit in an attempt to keep me guessing or to make my life hell. Either way, I'm not a fan of the open-endedness that tends to haunt my love life. Therefore, creating these excuse-filled conclusions for the lack-luster loves in my life gives me a sense of control and closure. And it also gives me the ability to give you the finger every time you cross my mind now. Because I'm mature like that.
2. Not making my feelings known. I sometimes attempt to be the laid-back, care-free and "Of course I can fly by the seat of my pants!" girl that everyone seems to be looking for these days. After much introverted deliberation, involving singledom and alcohol, I'm sure, I sometimes keep my true feelings building up inside of me until there's a fork in the road and I finally have to make my feelings known. At that point it can be too late. I tell myself it's never too late for true love - that just wasn't meant to be. I know what you're thinking but hey, I TOLD YOU THESE WERE CLICHES, OKAY?!   
3. Seeming desperate when I'm really just bored, lonely, or -well- horny. I know that the line between desperation and pretty much ANYTHING will almost always mean desperation. But to me, desperation is just disappointment in disguise. Someone that's desperate is really just finally realizing that the person they are in love with is no longer impressive. In fact, they are unimpressive in every possible way. Now, they have to deal with that gigantic dick of a let-down. BUT before they deal, they hit rock bottom and play any card they can. Not by choice, of course. But we've all done it. NOT JUST ME. I hate desperation almost as much as I hate jealousy (nothing really comes close to jealousy, though). The idea of seeming desperate was most likely thought up by some very conceited person that was so utterly glad to have the attention of someone, but who had too much pride to admit that they might feel the same way. So they just pretend that they don't feel that way, and they call you a crazy desperate person to make themselves look good. There. Take that, desperation creator. I called you out.
4. Having a one-track mind. I am not a good dater whatsoever. If I have someone on my mind, it's literally impossible for me to successfully date anyone else. Because of two reasons: I feel like I'm ripping myself off by being with someone I don't necessarily want to be with, and obviously, I feel like I'm ripping off my date. Even if they are still thinking about their ex the entire time we are together, I'd rather not be together at all in that case. Maybe we could just take shots, and talk about who we REALLY wish we were with at this awesome bar? Now, that's a date I'd attend.

When You've Never Been More Wrong

I'm not one to let my pride get in the way of admitting when I'm wrong. Usually, I can be pretty upfront and outright about when I completely effed up, when I incorrectly use a word in a sentence or sing the wrong lyrics. No big deal. I don't get ashamed easily, I'm a big girl, I can take it. I guess this isn't typically the sort of thing that I'm "never more wrong" about. If I've "never been more wrong," it's usually pertaining to people; for example, if I ridiculously judged someone and it turns out, they aren't nearly the bitch I thought they were, I've never been more wrong; if I thought they were such a fun person to hang out with after hangout #2, and they turned completely crazy during hangout #3, I've never been more wrong; Lastly, if I meet someone and suddenly "I just know this feels right," 9 times out of 10, I've never been more wrong.

I've always been one to believe in that whole "when you know, you just know" thing. However, until (somewhat) recently, I've never actually experienced just knowing when someone or something feels right. Once you have it happen to you, you realize that it really IS possible. It's possible to finally understand your own feelings and know exactly what you want to come of them- no confusion. It's finally possible to tell the difference between what you wish were real feelings, what's only real because it's convenient, and what is actually real. I know I've felt the opposite end of the spectrum... like when you know something is just off; there's maybe one little thing you can't quite put your finger on that always holds you back a bit from giving someone your all and stuff gets blurry and confusing, and then it just ends. But when you just know it feels right, it's as simple as that. No complications, just rightness.

Now, the catch...because, there's always a catch when something is too good to be true. Well, that's exactly what it is sometimes: too good to be true. See, what they don't tell you about the "when you know, you just know" concept is that sometimes, when you think you know, you've never been more wrong. Apparently, that's been my experience. I know I said 9 times out of 10 I'm so wrong about this. But the truth is, I'm currently 1 for 1. I'm not even lucky enough to have experienced this 10 times. Or 9 times. Just once. And to top it all off, I just happen to be wrong. 

This situation has caused me to look back on my previous relationships. Am I in denial about the number of times I "just knew?" Am I giving this situation way too much credit? Maybe it's because I was too young to care about what truly felt off in the past, maybe I was less self-aware and didn't know what I wanted, or maybe I was more (even more than now) cynical at the time, but I think I can safely say that I never felt the rightness with them for one reason or another. Ah, the things you come to realize...

Anyways, all of this reflecting has taught me something. It's that finding what feels right and going with it, despite shitty timing and anything else or anyone else, is the bees-knees, man. If we were doing the hokey-pokey, I'd say that's what it's all about. Sometimes the situation is so wrong, and in fact, it's quite possibly the complete opposite of what you thought you wanted, but that's the best part. It's so wrong that it's right. 

With that said, if there's anything good to come from me having "never been more wrong" than I am right now, it's that now I can at least say I know what feels right. Things might not have panned out the way I would have hoped, and they may have been cut short or will remain unfinished until further notice. However, this has taught me that even when I'm wrong about someone or something, it doesn't change the fact that, for whatever it's worth, so far in My So-Called Life, nothing has felt nearly as right. You gotta start somewhere I guess.

Thought Catalog Copycat: 33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

In case you can't tell from my Facebook activity, I'm what one would call a "Thought Catalog regular." If I could score free drinks, or at least some kind of hook-up, and request my favorite writer every time I visited Thought Catalog, I definitely would. I'd be one of those people that felt obligated to leave a sweet ass tip because I'm in so often. Unfortunately, Thought Catalog is already a free gig, and, what's even more unfortunate, you can't get any alcoholic beverages through the web site (I think I just invented something...).

Anyway, my point is this: Sometimes I read an article on Thought Catalog, and then I curse myself up and down because I WANT to write about that! Or I wish I WROTE that exact article because it's amazingly spot on to something I'm going through myself and, not to mention, it's written extremely well. But some other overly emotional, overly analytical, and just the right amount witty writer beat me to it. The best part is, they probably used way less four-letter words than I would have, had I written the article in the first place. Fuck.

With that being said, I decided to take one of my favorite Thought Catalog articles I found back in the day (or in July) and remake it for myself. Originally by Jason Cook, "33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me" is one of my favorites because it's basically a dating-disclaimer that every single person should be required to complete before getting wifed up again. I'm aware 33 things is quite a lot, and I'm going to have to be very self-indulgent during my time writing this. But after all, this is MY disclaimer; it's only natural to be selfish. Please be warned.

33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

1. I'm not a guarded person. And by that, I mean I will express my feelings on a regular basis.
2. Romantic comedies have ruined me. Yet, they've given me so much hope, it ain't even funny.
3. I have a Justin Bieber toothbrush that sings to me every morning. THANKFULLY.
4. I don't need to be spoiled with material things, but I could never date a cheap ass.
5. I NEED a great mix of structure and spontaneity in my life. I think too much of one or the other will only be detrimental.
6. I'm a smart ass. I can give it, and I can take it. In fact, I prefer someone that gives me a little shit sometimes. Playfully pick a fight with me. Please?
7. In relationships, I demand attention. If I don't feel special, what's the point? 
8. I will treat you amazing. I'm loyal, honest, and pretty thoughtful, if I do say so myself. 
9. I'm a bit of a dreamer. I think of new shit to do every day and only carry out like 2% of those things because the rest are simply not doable at this point in time. :\
10. I don't have a "3 date" rule or anything like that. I go with my feelings and that's all there is to it.
11. I completely believe you know love when you see it. I'm a total sucker for when you know, you know.
12. I'm a family-oriented person. You could expect to meet them and be intensely judged by them. KIDDING. But they are so important to me.
13. I sing in the shower. And in the car. And while I'm running. There is hardly a time when I'm not either listening to music or singing and dancing to something.
14. I'd probably embarrass the hell out of you with my laughing fits. 
15. I'm extremely ticklish. I go into survival mode when I'm being tickled and the chances of me kicking you are very high. 
16. I rarely cook. I would like to, but groceries are expensive and going out to eat with someone is always more fun.
17. I'm kind of a clean freak. 
18. I will typically wear whatever I want, even if you hate it. 
19. If I wear the same thing twice while we are dating, I've given up trying to impress you. Either that, or I'm no longer impressed by you...
20. Some of my toe nails are really fucked up from playing soccer... I'm sorry, that's gross, I realize. But it's something you should know in case you have some creepy foot fetish or something. 
21. Laundry is my least favorite chore.
22. If you find me sick and want to be sweet, I love Diet Pepsi, Gardetto's and flowers. 
23. I drive on E way more often than I should. 
24. REALLY want to get the in? Be rough in sex, and then lay in bed and play for as long as you can afterward. Literally the best of both worlds. 
25. I'm not religious. I can hold a conversation about it, but it's not my topic of choice.
26. I can't sleep in. If you sleep in all of the time, I'd probably just start to annoy the shit out of you because I will talk your ear off before you've been given the chance to hit the snooze button.
27. I'm not a fighter, but if I'm really into you, I'll try to work things out- to a fault, actually. I'm also a strong believer that you'd fight for me if you wanted me. 
28. I'm a typical lesbian. I can't wait to see you, hang out with you, talk to you any way I possibly can. However, I'm NOT the lesbian that will move in with you after a month. I'm committed, but not crazy.
29. I control my jealousy hardcore. I think it's the worst feeling anyone could feel. I refuse.
30. I hate playing games. If you really wanted to be with someone, you wouldn't be screwing with them. It's as simple as that. When you meet that person and you aren't ready, you're suddenly ready. When the timing is bad, it's suddenly perfect. There's no excuses for leaving me besides you didn't want to stay. If you aren't at this point in your life, we will not work. Period.
31. I'm pro being Facebook official. I'd love to brag about you online to my friends. 
32. I will most likely write about feelings I have for you/love/relationships for the rest of my life. These are things I love to write about. 
33. I'd date me. That's very telling, wouldn't you say?

Is It Really Just a "Twenties" Thing?

Last week, I pointed to a city on Google Maps with my eyes closed, searched for jobs in that city and applied to the first one I saw. Leaving my life up to chance, I would spend the next half an hour applying for a fireplace installation job in Wilmington, North Carolina. Sounds like a sweet gig. Sunday night on my run, I literally did math in my head (it's a miracle this was able to take place) to determine the number of hours it would take me if I were ever to just extend my run a couple thousand miles to the NW. OH, and yesterday, I ordered a book called "Quarter-life Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties" from eBay. (Okay, well that last one is only ridiculous because, if anyone knows me, I will never get through that book- or any book, for that matter. Reading is my least favorite hobby).

Regardless, these are the kinds of things that crazy people twenty-six year olds do. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. We are in the age of the twenty-somethings: those that regurgitate their emotions out over the Internet on a regular basis and the toughest decision they have to make right now is whether they should quit their amazing day job that they are completely spoiled by, and totally lucky to have landed, just so they can back-pack around Europe (or Wilmington, NC) or some shit.

The truth is, no matter how you let loose, or no matter how good of a job you might have, "the twenties" still suck. They should REALLY be called "The stage in your life when everything falls together for a day or two, and then falls apart for what seems like the next 10 years." But if I was "the twenties," I'd beg to differ.

There are PLENTY of people who seem to have their lives together in their twenties. If you call waiting tables to pay for school, getting married, and popping out babies like it's nobody's business having their lives together. But clearly, this isn't the lifestyle I was in search of. I wonder what the minority is in terms of twenty-somethings? Am I a part of the minority? Let's see... Despite the fact that I'm gay (which I'm not sure is the minority or majority, these days), I'm a single woman, with a "career ladder," that owns a house and a car, and on any given day, I teeter on the idea of dropping everything, picking up everything else, and skipping town for a bigger & better place, should there be one. Is this what every other twenty-something without a marriage license and a car seat is thinking, as well? Or maybe what I THINK is a twenties thing, is really just a schizo thing and I'm really just a schizo that happens to be in my twenties.... It could happen.

While I'm the president of "The Twenties Can Suck It" fan club, apparently, I do wonder if I should cut them some slack. I'm getting by just fine with my job, my friends, and having my family around. I have to tell myself that the "twenties" are not to blame for my inability to find a person that has their shit together enough to- not settle down, because I despise that term- but enough to commit to me, or at least not run at the first sight of something amazing. The twenties are also not to blame for my restless soul that would rather travel than work, and what compels me to spend 98% of my time thinking about what I could change in my life instead just living my life the way it is. Lastly, my twenties are not to blame for my lack of "up for anything" friends that will literally go with the flow and never say no to any sort of adventure that I put in their heads. Those adventures are only fun if I have some great people to tag along with me. Friends that also don't mind taking sick leave when they are feeling the best they've ever felt, just to day-drink and be irresponsible while we can, and who don't mind racking up every credit card they have just to road-trip to a sweet ass music festival in a city we've never set foot in. Seriously, I cannot be the only one who wants these things.

All I can hope for is that "the twenties" don't extend into "the thirties" or "the forties." Just like I know plenty of people that have their shit together right now, I know even more people that have their shit together in their thirties. I don't want to discount my twenties, or rush through them by any means. As annoying as they are sometimes, I'm not attempting to wish my life away. I guess running through the immaturity, and confusion, and the "who am I and why I'm here wahhhh" is more like it.

I think by the time I'm 30, I am going to want to go all Stone Cold Steve Austin on my twenty's ass. If my twenties even THINK about creeping into my thirties, they got another thing coming. I would not be okay with that. For someone with such a restless soul, I do like to think that I have a five-year plan. Although, that plan changes on a daily basis...

I'd like to thank my twenties for that.

5 Things that Piss Me Off at Concerts

Anyone that knows me is aware that I am big into music, and going to concerts is one of my favorite pastimes. I just got a boner thinking about it, actually. Recently, I've observed some things at concerts that I'd like to share with those less concert-conscious. Being a concert-goer is an art, don't ya know? SO many things can make or break the amount of a good time someone has at a show. Even things besides how expensive the alcohol is while you're there, or whether the lead singer is too doped up to function. Things like the 5 things listed below:

1. If you don't know any songs, or only know the "popular one," GET OUT OF THE WAY. Really. Just move. Let the people who know every line, of every chorus, of every song, get the good spot. For example: I'm a huge fan of Fun. I ADORE seeing them live; It's so much fun! Literally! I sing along, I jump, I dance, for god's sake, I must look fucking ridiculous, now that I think about it. Regardless, nothing pisses me off more than the person standing in front of me (at 6' tall, mind you), checking Facebook, waiting for "We Are Young" to play just so they can finally recognize something. Go sit on the sidelines, lame-o, this is serious shit.
2. Don't bring your draft beer into the pit, even if the place lets you. Isn't this kind of common sense? I'm at the point right now that it wouldn't be a concert if someone didn't pour an entire drink down my back. I get that you are drinking, and living the good life, and just trying to have a good time, man. But so am I, and I would prefer to not look like I just pissed myself while doing it.
3. Don't get so drunk/drugged up that you have to have your friend prop you up from behind. You know how much you can handle, just work with that. I guarantee you that your friend doesn't want to be your babysitter. And everyone else around you doesn't want to keep tabs on you, just to figure out if you are going to vom on them at any given second.
4. Don't be a zombie. NO ONE has a good time when they have an uptight concert-goer with them. I think the one thing that makes concerts so much fun is the fact that no one gives a flying fuck what anyone else does. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm certain that I look absolutely absurd when I am sweating my ass off from jumping, and fist pumping like it's not even Pauly D's business. But that's what you do at concerts- or at least the ones I'm going to. If you want to plant your feet in one spot and be a giant cock block for anyone trying to have a little fun, go see Celine Dion or something, NOT Grouplove (this is a hint for all Grouplove ticket-holders for the STL show in October). I didn't sign up for that shit. 
5. On the other hand, don't be the only people raging it up, either. This is tricky because of #3, and I'm a bit of a crazy one myself, but there's something to be said for letting the band be the center of attention. If you and your two friends are attempting to start an ever-so-cool mosh pit while everyone else is jabbing you in the abdomen with their shank, it's not because they want to join you. It's because you are annoying the shit out of them and no one else is playing with you. Look around. Try not to piss anyone off by going over the top with rocking out. You could instantly ruin someone else's time. If the people next to you are duds, try to move somewhere else with people who won't mind you actin' a fool.

40 Excuses to Drink

I have had some form of alcohol everyday for 14 days. Only one of those times did I actually consume enough alcohol to be intoxicated. Other times, maybe 2 beers here, a glass of wine there. Nothing crazy. As if that makes it okay to drink so often.

You should know, this has not been intentional. I'm not trying to break any self-obtained records. However, if there was an Olympic event involving alcohol, I could probably hold my own. If you'd care to join me in my alcoholicness, here's some easy excuses to throw one (or some) back.

Drink because...

1. it's Sunday Funday! Or, it's any other day, as well!

2. sometimes, life is rough, man.

3. you just got dumped.

4. you just got asked on a date by someone that's way too good looking for you. Let's celebrate!

5. it's your birthday!

6. it's someone's birthday, somewhere. It has to be.

7. you had a rough day at work.

8. you had an AWESOME DAY AT WORK!!

9. someone you wish would talk to you, simply isn't. I'll drink to that.

10. you don't have anything else to do.

11. it's way too hot to be outside, so you cool down inside with a drink.

12. being buzzed is way more fun than not being buzzed.

13. you miss someone.

14. you are wondering if someone misses you. Drink another one! The alcohol will tell you.

15. you just got new shoes?? 

16. you're in a room full of married people and their obnoxious children.

17. you're on a first date, and there's no spark whatsoever. There IS a full-bar, though. Winning!

18. it's the only way to make it through a work-week.

19. you are too lazy to go running.

20. you just found out your ex is engaged.

21. two of your Facebook friends just broke up. You were rooting for them, damnit! Nobody makes it anymore.

22. that perfect couple you like to stalk online just got even more perfect.

23. you live alone, and unless you're under the influence, it's fucking scary sometimes.

24. it's laundry day.

25. the sun is shining & it's 100 degrees! Or because it's raining for the first time in months! Whichever!

26. I'm watching The Strangers and Liv Tyler runs really funny. Not only that, but the fact that whatever is happening in that movie isn't happening to you is a damn good excuse to drink your ass off. Jesus, it's creepy.

27. you want a new job.

28. you would love to move, but have zero reason to.

29. you're going to get laid tonight.

30. you are nowhere near getting laid tonight.

31. you only live once.

32. it's the freakin' weekend, you about to have you some fun.

33. the radio keeps playing that second Carly Rae Jepsen song, and it's not NEARLY as fun as Call Me Maybe.

34. you're watching Titanic. [READ: Stay clear of wine, or any substances known to make you emotional with this one!]

35. you need an excuse to text/call/email/tweet/Facebook someone you're too scared to talk to sober. 

36. there's no Gmail recall button.

37. you're a fucking baller and can afford to!

38. a billion people do not love you like you love them.

39. SOMEONE will :)

40. Kohl's is having a sale. (What? In case all of the 39 other excuses didn't pertain to you!)

So, pick an excuse, and drink up, bitches. You're welcome.