One of the Many Fine Lines in Relationships

The fine line in question here: The fine line between a significant other that challenges you and a significant other that competes with you.

My bottom line opinion (don't you know, telling you my opinion and why it's the right one is the biggest perk to having a blog): The person you're dating, and even more so, the person you are in a full-blown relationship with, should not be competing with you. However, someone that challenges you in relationships can be a great and exciting thing.

Here's the thing. If someone is constantly trying to one-up you, and they are tearing you down any chance they get, chances are you're still in high school and that person is your bitchy best friend that you won't have shit to do with once college comes around (I mean, not that I know by experience or anything). OR, worst case scenario, this person is your significant other. Chances are, this person competing with you is not someone that's in love with you. There's some underlying issue at hand when your significant other finds it difficult to be HAPPY for you when you deserve it. Whether it's a personal issue, or some resentment they have built up for you... regardless. It's not a healthy thing whatsoever in a relationship to be so competitive with your bitches that you would rather see them fail than succeed.

Where's this all coming from, you might ask? Let me tell you. It stems from a relationship where one party thinks that her style is waaaaay cooler than that of the other party; it stems from a relationship where one party is scared that having "mutual" friends will actually mean she'd be losing some, or that she'd have to share; it stems from a relationship where alllllll one party wants is a little support during her first 5K, and alllllll she gets is a glance back from half a mile ahead, and a speed increase so it becomes impossible to catch up.

That whole "don't walk in front of me, don't walk behind me" bullshit most likely came from this EXACT situation. It all started because one lesbian wanted another lesbian to run by her side during her first 5K. Instead, she got someone that seemed to want to beat her ass in the race more than support her while she almost died finishing it (a bit of an exaggeration, but hey, look here! Some people are way out of shape, Jack!).

A significant other that challenges you, on the other hand, is fabulous in my eyes! By challenge, I don't mean they disagree with every single statement you've ever made just because they can, and I don't mean they contradict your every thought because, heaven forbid, you ever be RIGHT. I mean that they think differently than you; They open your eyes to new things that you might find hard to fully grasp. They show you things that you're missing - either for your eyes to see, or for your mind to see. They challenge you by having their own minds, their own opinions, and their own sense of self, all the while being completely open to you and yours. 

I realize my definition of someone that challenges you is probably more along the lines a fairy tale prince(ss) challenger and it might be hard to come by in real life. But if situations were perfect, this is how I imagine they'd be. 

Perfect, fairy tale situation or not. A nice challenge to your point of view, or the ability to show you something you may not ever think of, is always a refreshing thing from someone you love. It keeps you on your toes, and if nothing else, I'd think it would help you appreciate the person you have by your side even more.

The lesson to take away from this: If you find yourself competing with your significant other, stop and think about WHY you're doing this. Are you jealous of them? Resenting them for something? Just wish they'd stop being so fucking amazing? It happens. But it's YOUR significant other. Would you want anything less than an amazing significant other? No. You want the god damn BEST person for yourself, and for them. Support them. Challenge them in healthy ways. Be there to watch them succeed, and help them up when they don't. If you don't do it, someone else will.

The Do's and Don'ts of Being Attractive

As you know, being on the prowl can be BRUTAL. Knowing the correct things to do, say, text, email, tweet, and 'Like' can be not only impossible, but definitely exhausting. If you're like me and tend to overanalyze/think every single thing. Although, I must admit that I've chilled out a shit ton from even just a few years ago when it comes to getting my panties in a wad analyzing every little thing. It's amazing what love and loss and can do to a gal. Sigh.

If you want the short and sweet version, or the Do's and Don'ts rather, of, well, basically, being attractive... or to NOT be so superficial about things, being a person of legitimate quality that someone completely wonderful will want all of one day, look no further, my friend. Twentysomething blogger that likes to thrust her opinions upon any reader she can to the rescue!

The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Person of Legitimate Quality AKA Being Attractive

DON'T be lazy. Laziness is not hot. Period. Have a little gumption, why don't you!? Yes, a work ethic is always an important factor, but even further than that, how about a FUN ethic? Why isn't that a thing? Know how to have a good time when your work day ends. WOOHOO, so you can bust your ass at a job all week and make a little money. Big fucking deal. Anyone that wants anything slightly good out of their life has to do that, too. Just like every other adult, I work the bare minimum 40-hours a week, I work out daily, I manage to go out here and there, I plan get togethers, spend a bunch of time with my family, and somehow, through all of this, I even manage time to shave my vagina. Pretty impressive, eh? All I'm saying here is even though you have a job, don't let that consume you. Don't be lazy. Have fun, plan things, go places, make new friends and actually DO things with them. Don't get so content that you amount to someone that works, sleeps, and eats. 

DO be honest. Positive honesty, or negative honesty, honesty is always the answer. The fucking Goddess of Love wasn't joking around when she said that trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship (I'm not ACTUALLY sure that she ever mentioned trust, but I mean, she should've). Trust is the LAST thing that needs to go on a back-burner in terms of relationships. If you can't be trusted, or trust the person you're with, what kind of person will you amount to, and what kind of relationship will you ever be capable of having? 

DON'T do drugs. Just say no to dope. Zack Morris said so.

DO laugh. It shows that you aren't too cool, and that you aren't too serious. Laugh at yourself, laugh at other people, make light of any situation and laugh at anything you can. People love making other people laugh, and let's be honest, laughing is much better than crying. If you were a person that someone could only stay mad at for like five minutes, because it only takes you that long to make them laugh again, no one would ever be mad at you for longer than five minutes. Think about it. Sometimes the best thing you can do in life is laugh, even when nothing at all is funny. :)

DON'T be afraid to make grand gestures. If you follow this blog (or if you've ever read ANY of them...) you probably know that, if grand gestures had a fan club, I would be the damn President of that ish! I'm all about showing how you feel, no matter what it pertains to. Go big or go home. Money is no object (......). It's so exciting! And eventful! People NEED excitement in their life, and if you are someone's #1, or if you want to be, you need to be the sole source of their excitement. If you aren't showing someone how you feel, in the biggest, best way you know how, as often as possible, they're going to assume you don't want to. And there's nothing exciting about that.

DO stick up for yourself. You know what you need, at least a good majority of the time you do. It might take some trial and error, but you eventually get it right. Once you do, don't give that up. One of the sexiest things in the WORLD is someone that knows what's good for them, and they aren't afraid to be upfront about it. If someone doesn't respect your need for attention, or your need for your space and your independentness, they don't deserve you. You need someone that can handle YOU, and that entails ALL of you, and EVERY thing YOU stand for, need, and desire. Someone will be up for that challenge because it will all be worth it to them.

DON'T back out on your word. Compromise is a bitch. We all know this. If humans were born with the skill of compromising, we'd exit the womb with a ring on our finger and a significant other up our asshole. Seriously. THEY made it this difficult to teach us shit. We have to learn to do all of these things the right way before something finally sticks for us. Don't bail, don't be selfish, be flexible when needed, do something that's important to someone else simply BECAUSE it's important to them. They'll love you for it. 

DO what's best for you. :) What's supposed to happen will happen regardless.