Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out

No, this isn't a trick! I know what you're thinking. This cannot possibly be a blog about anything other than relationships/dating/sex/lesbians/monogamy/more relationships/more sex. Alas, my frands, it most certainly is a blog about something else! Hip, hip, HOORAY!

Working out has so many benefits. I think we've all been drilled long enough in our lives to know that we should get our asses to the gym, and get our asses outside, blah, blah, blah. We KNOW working out is great for us. What people sometimes fail to mention is why working out completely fucking sucks for us. But Erica doesn't fail, damn you.

Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out:

1. Close Proximity. When I'm at the gym and I can hear the guy on the treadmill next to me talking to himself more than I can hear AWOLNATION in my ear (my flavor of the week!), the treadmills are too damn close. When I'm gagging from inhaling your cologne, the treadmills are too damn close. Finally, if your sweat is swinging around and I happen to feel it land on my arm, the treadmills are too damn close. Sensing the trend? Sometimes ONE LESS machine in the gym can open up a world of possibilities. We are trying to work out, after all, not get all up on each other.
2. You have to wear clothes. Work out clothes can seriously be some of the most uncomfortable clothes EVER. If they're too tight, too baggy, to restricting, too spandexy (eek), they can be more of hindrance than a help. I feel so strongly about this that I even tweeted @oldnavy tonight while working out letting them know how grateful I was for their workout capris. I know... I'm a social media whore.
3. Results. After you get done with an intense work out, and look in the mirror, and you expect to see Allison Williams, or Zosia Mamet, (or practically anyone on GIRLS besides Lena Dunham), but you still kind of see Lena Dunham. Not that Lena Dunham isn't beautiful, because she most definitely is beautiful. But ol' girl doesn't exactly scream "I work out!" The results take for. ever. and that's no secret. 
4. Not getting to the gym. If you're like me and have a very strict routine that you absolutely need to abide by in order to get shit done, then....let's just say, a 24-hour spell of food poisoning, can throw a giant wrench in your work out routine. Yes, this did just happen to me. Good news is food poisoning does wonders for weight loss...
5. Missing something. How many times have you gotten to the gym, or pulled into the park for a jog, and suddenly realized you left your cell phone at home? Or even worse, your head phones. Shit happens. And this shit is almost impossible to recover from. When I'm music-less on my work outs, good luck getting me to last longer than 20 minutes doing any activity whatsoever. Well... maybe not ANY activity whatsoever... 

Shit. I just made it a blog about sex.

Why "Dating" Sucks Ass

I have always been the relationship type. I have said it a thousand times in this blog, and I will never hesitate to admit again that I have a serious disorder of the one-track mind. I am no good at juggling multiple people. I totally, completely, without a doubt whatsoever, fucking suck at dating. Sure, I love spending time with lots of interesting people, and why, yes, of course, I would love to bang every interesting person I come in contact with (I talk a big talk...). But I have this thing... it's a very difficult concept these days... but I despise the idea of being into more than one person at a time. Not only that, but I also despise when people I AM interested in are seeing me, that hot girl, and that hot girl, and oh, that one, too. I like one person at a time, and, unfortunately, I expect the same. If you want to know why I am the way I am, it's really rather simple: I expect way too much attention to be one of many. I'm not ashamed!

However, even with my own theories and realities when it comes to modern-day dating, I still give mad props to those people that I come across that live to date multiples. Somehow, there are people that manage to simultaneously text two or three prospects, all the while remembering which night is booked with which girl, which girl it was that had that giant love of flowers & which girl was completely allergic to them, and which thing it is that totally turns which girl on. I mean, just thinking about all of that shit makes me want to go to bed and never romanticize about anyone EVER again.

Holidays. In my eyes, the Holidays would be the absolute worst time to be seeing more than one person. Holidays as a typical dater equals even more family get togethers, spending money on even more gifts for everyone you're currently sharing sheets with, and, not to mention, every Saturday in December will consist of ice skating and hot chocolate. I mean, if you want to make it easier on yourself, invite all the chicks you are talking to to go ice skating with you on the same night! GENIUS. You can always just say "I'm going ice skating with a group tonight. I'd love it if you'd join us!" I bet they would have no clue.

You know what else effing sucks titties about dating more than one person at once? Two words. SOCIAL. MEDIA. Although it stinks, you have to admit that social media makes these, Daters of Multiples, we shall call them, even more credit worthy. How the H-E-double hockey sticks does someone not only manage, but actually feel legit about, checking in with Chick #1 on Friday, posting a picture with Chick #2 on Saturday night, and tweeting at Chick #3 when they get home from date night with Chick #2? You still following? Yea, me either! How do THEY follow it?!

If I was a Dater of Multiples committing the acts previously mentioned, I'm almost positive that with some of the Facebook creepers I got all up in my grill all of the time, I would do nothing except answer questions in order to explain myself come Sunday evening. And, if I'm not lucky enough to have friends that ask me questions, I'm almost even more positive that the Facebook-wide assumption would be made that I'm just a slut playin' people like I'm Tech N9ne (...cause I'm a wicked thug and I throw away my ticket stub... don't act like you don't know the jam!)

I know what you're thinking. "This is the whole point of DATING!" Not to be tied down to one person, and having fun with lots of people until you are ready to pick JUST one. But the way I see it, if you are seeing someone that you are seriously interested in, you won't feel the NEED to see other people. In my experience, if there's a hot girl, and I am thoroughly enjoying my time with her, both at dinner and in bed, whhhhhy would I need to do double the work with yet ANOTHER girl?

What can I say? I suppose I'm a minimalist. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to try to maneuver several dates into my alreadyjampackedwithmyownshit schedule. Maybe deep down, I'm seriously jealous that I am not capable of dating 3, 4, 5 people at once.

Unless, of course, those 3, 4, or 5 people are ONLY seeing me. :D