9 Times When You Should Refrain from Messaging Me on OkCupid

Let me preface this particular blog with this: I realize that messaging strangers on an online dating site can be a nerve-wracking and scary task. Your palms are sweaty; you double and triple check your spelling (well, if you're one of the ones messaging me you don't, but I'd assume most people do); you check for accuracy just in case one day you are seriously dating this person, they don't catch you in some massive lie- trust me, girls are good at those sorts of things; you probably try to think of something witty or outside the box to say as to set yourself apart from the oodles of other fish in the sea.  I get it. It takes work to perfect your OkCupid message. It's an art, really. Well, in order to save you time, in case you decide to message me eventually, here are some simple things to get you on the right track.

Please don't bother messaging me on OkCupid if and when...

1. You would rather ask me out to coffee instead of out for drinks. There are two main reasons this would not go over well. a) If you're the coffee > alcohol type, I probably don't take myself serious enough for you and b) you're most likely way more philosophically driven than I am. This isn't me dragging myself down; I'm a smart gal and intellect is probably somewhere in my Top 5 traits in a potential mate. But nothing screams "AWWWKward" more to me than a first meeting at Starbucks. Better yet, please invite me to Starbucks, preferably around 2pm on a Saturday. It would give me a reason to wake up at 9am and start drinking. :) It's bound to be an interesting first meet-up.

2. Your entire message is "Hi." Really? That's the best you could come up with? I'm not looking for wedding vows or something super profound by any means. But a demonstration of a slight interest might help. Maybe something that takes a little sense of humor or, at least, a little thought. Unless you're TRYING not to get a response from me. You really know what you're doing in that case.

3. Your name is Jose, Jesus, or Omarion. First of all, that would mean you are of the male sex. Check again, my friend. GAY isn't the same as bisexual, borderline trashy girl on a dating site trying my hardest to hook up witchou or anyone else that's willing. It also suggests that you managed to creep me on Facebook (I don't mind the creeping, let's make that known now) to discover that I was so generously blessed with a badonkadonk (I do mind you messaging me about my ass, though. At least when we're strangers, anyway). No thank you.

4. You have an opinion of which of my pictures is more attractive than the others, and you proceed to tell me about it. Thanks for the opinion, however, if I was interested in which picture of mine appealed to you most, I probably would have messaged you already. Also, no need to proceed in looking at my profile on a daily basis, either. I'm not responding. Give it up.

5. Your relationship status says "Seeing Someone" or you don't have a relationship status listed because if you did, no one would talk to you. If I wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship, I'm sure there's creepy dating sites for those crazy ass people, too. But that's the LAST thing I'm interested in, obviously. So, again, move along. I require a lot of attention from my significant other, and if you're talking to Brandy, Monica, AND me, I can already tell this won't get very far.

6. You have  more than five spelling errors in your less-than-three-sentence message. As an adult with a proper education, it's only natural for me to cringe at your awful spelling and poor grammar usage. Slang is allowed as long as it's not gang lingo that I would never be capable of deciphering unless I employed the help of G-Unit.

7. You could never date someone that loves Hanson. I won't lie. I listened to them the entire time I was writing this. I'M COOL LIKE THAT. My inbox will be flooded now...

8. You just got dumped. Now, if you did the dumping, then sure. Message away. But if you just got dumped, please refrain. I'm not in any spot to deal with ex-girlfriend drama. I don't like to compete for anyone's time, and I sure as hell don't like to spend my time wondering if you'd rather be messaging your ex. Just get your shit together, then attempt to talk to other people. It will go much smoother for you and for the person you're trying to talk to.

9. You live at home with your parents and you are trying to "find yourself." SORRY. I'm over the age of 21, and even though I don't nearly have everything in my life together, I think I am on the right track. There's an entire world full of potential lesbian lovers that I'm tending to right now, so step up your game, man. Living with your rents at the ripe ol' age of 25 and working at a fast food joint is not "living young, wild, and free." I'm not trying to take care of someone. I am trying to be impressed by someone.

8 Guilty Pleasures I'm Willing to Admit

I won't lie; I have a list two thousand miles long of things I take pleasure in that anyone else would probably cringe at, keel over, and die before admitting. But I cannot, in any way, find it inside of me to pretend like these are things that I don't find some kind of joy in. I am 26 after all; practically a full-blown adult. Minus a few minor details. It's about time I own up to the things I am somewhat ashamed of not being ashamed of any longer.

1. My love for bad music.

This is completely open to interpretation. I don't actually think there's such a thing as bad music. (Unless you are Maroon 5 or Katy Perry, because that's just BAD). There's no point in hiding that I love having dance parties while listening to David Guetta and scrubbing my bathtub. I absolutely love blaring Hanson circa 1997 in my car with the windows down even if I am stopped at a light next to someone. I can't help but listen to, as some call it, my "hipster music," as if I'm the only Of Monsters and Men fan ever made. PLEASE, Icelanders everywhere love them. And God forbid, judge me for my undying love of "Call Me Maybe." The catchiness of the chorus, the joy in her voice as she sings which tells you she's smiling through every word, with her bangs and wretched chunky-heeled shoes. Oy vey! What's not to love about that cursed song?! But I love all good music, as well. I am just a lover of music, what can I say?

6 Truths that Hurt Like a Bitch

We are all well aware that the truth hurts, man. Even Usher thinks so. Here's some truths that hurt so bad sometimes, it was even painful to type them.

1. You might be young. But the truth is, you're only as wild and free as your bank account allows. Contradicting, I realize. Free doesn't equal free. Everything costs money these days. Chances are, it doesn't take a whole lot of money to make you happy, but it at least takes some. For example, something free and fun to do would be a concert of some sort. Something not so free (but even more fun!) would be all the alcohol you'd like to consume before/during/after said free concert!

2. The truth is, people choose to disappear from your life, whether they realize it or not. Nothing makes someone leave you and your life except them making the decision to do it. But it's okay to continue feeding yourself excuses for them. Seriously, tell yourself whatever you need to. Do whatever it takes to fucking move on from it. If they choose to leave you, then you should let them go. Make room for someone who wants you because you're amazing, not someone who wants to take for granted how amazing you are.

3. The truth is, we are always looking for the next best thing. Sure, I can sit here behind my 7-year old Macbook and type that I am "extremely happy with present-day Erica." Syke! What I really want to say is that I wish present-day Erica made enough dough to buy a brand new iPad, equipped with a keyboard, mouse, fancy case- all those fixins. But I definitely don't make enough dough for all those fixins. So, with that said, I'm looking forward to the time when I do. Just like you are looking forward to that promotion you've been working your ass off for, or that knight on a white horse to sweep you up and take you far, far away from your loser-significant-other misery, or whatever the case may be. Looking ahead is good, and (flexible) planning of a future is an absolute must. But we can't forget to look at today, as well.

4. The truth is, your family members are your best friends. No matter how many friends you have, or how great they are to you, your family, whether it's your Mom, your Dad, a sister, a cousin, a cousin's cousin's cousin, will always out-do them. And when you finally find someone to commit to and spend your Sunday Funday's, shitty Monday-Thursday's, Friday night and all day Saturday with, they become your family members. You see? You just turned a best friend into a family member. Looky there. That, my friend, is what they call MONOGAMY. Absurd for us twenty-somethings with YOLO on the brain, I know. Also, that's not to be confused with BOGO...

5. The truth is, no matter how many times you make a wish at 11:11, the chances of that wish actually coming true are, at most, slim to none. In fact, don't wish on stars, or when you blow out the candles, or when you pick an eyelash off your face, or EVER. If your wish is that someone would call you, get drunk and just call them. If it's that you wish you could go #2, buy some laxatives and stay in for the night (it happens...). If it's that you want to win the lottery, just give that up already. Seriously. Dad's everywhere already wished that. But I guess buy a ticket if that's your only wish in life. Whatev.

6. The truth is, your happiness lies in you, and ONLY you. Not in the city you reside, not in the job you have, not even in the company you keep. The only way to be happy is to make yourself happy. If you've ever wondered why, when someone is totally dragging you down, and nothing anyone says makes you feel better, it's because their opinion and advice, however valuable it may be, isn't going to save you. Only you can save you. Until you've figured that out, you will never be able to make anyone else happy, and you will constantly wonder why it's not working for you. Make yourself happy. And then do what it takes to make someone you are absolutely crazy about happy, too.

Birthday Sex

Or lack thereof. That’s right. This girl has no intentions of getting laid for her 26^th birthday. I don’t think I’m ashamed to admit it, even though I probably should be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going for celibacy here. Not at all. Never, actually. But I mean, I am single, after all, and what exactly do you take me for? Just because it’s my birthday, that doesn’t give me any right to slut it up like some broads do. I’m classy. On a good day. When you are deaf to the crude things I say, anyway.

I’ve given myself the pep talk, though. Not to worry. ‘Millions and millions of birthdays pass daily without any smushing taking place,’ I tell myself. This year, I will be one of those millions and millions. A part of the majority, I’m assuming—or at least that’s what I’m telling myself in order to ease the pain. I figure it could be worse. I could wake up and no one would even remember it was my birthday; that would be kind of awful. Or I could catch pneumonia the night before. I’d constitute that as worse than not getting any on my birthday. Or, to be even worse, I could be having one of those extended-family birthday parties like I’m turning 13 and I’d have to answer all kinds of awkward questions from people I don’t give two shits about. Yep, no sex doesn’t even come close to the terrible, miserable, ridiculously pitiful birthday that one would have been.

Besides, I imagine birthday sex in your 20’s is highly overrated. In fact, I think I’ll rename it to “The day-or weekend, rather- you get so wasted/high/drugged up that you can’t stand on your own two feet, so you proceed to lie down and let someone have their way with you” sex. That definitely takes the sting away of not getting any. Or does it?

So, now you know what I won’t be doing on July 15^th. You have some options here about what to do with this information:

1.       You can judge me. Or pity me, whichever you prefer. Full-on “OMG. This poor girl isn’t banging anyone on her birthday, she must be a lamer.” I don’t mind. I would probably do this if I was you, too. And I probably am a giant lamer, too, since we’re being so candid…

2.       You could have your own sex and say it’s for my birthday. Certainly, you can do this. It is truly my pleasure to give you an excuse to get it on, as if you need one. Please feel free to also think of me the entire time. I’m sure it will do wonders for you.

3.       You could offer.

I’M JUST KIDDING. Please don’t offer. If I wanted to have birthday sex with you, you would already know it. Do I seem like the timid kind to you?

All you really need to do in order to help me through this lack-luster (get it?!) time is wish me a Happy Birthday. Unless you are a hot lesbian that I actually know and have expressed interest in. That’s a different story.    ;)

Feelings > Signs

I’ve been told by a lot of people in my life that I am “very emotionally driven.” I'm assuming by this, they mean that I am a human being, and I have feelings. Because I am, and I do. I wouldn’t call myself impulsive, even though I have been known to act that way from time to time. I definitely wouldn’t call myself 100% logical, either, because apparently, the only time I’m logical is when it’s logical for me to be a giant ball of hyped up emotions. I guess that brings me back to square one: being emotionally driven.

The idea that I am so emotionally driven to do things got me thinking. What are other people like and how are they driven to do the things they do? I would imagine that there are a lot of things that can motivate someone and determine how they live their life. Some people are driven by money, their careers, what they are passionate about, and what they think will get them where they are wanting to go. And others are driven by signs, and the workings of fate. They take everything they feel and hide it behind little notions here and there that, they believe, are like a GPS of their life, providing the navigation from point A to point B. Never mind what those destinations may be, it was a sign that this was their journey, and they are on their way. This could just be me being overly emotional and all, but I would place bets that this person is most discontent of all of us, and I would even go so far as to raise them my emotions on this hand, as well. I might be bluffing, but you’d never know with this poker face.

I used to be a huge believer in signs. I'm still a huge believer that things work out as they are supposed to, eventually. But recently, my point of view on signs and fate has changed. Now, I only look for signs when I need to utilize my last lifeline on a million dollar question. As a last resort, if you will. This change of heart was derived from the fact that basing my life around signs is far riskier than anything I prefer to dabble in, and not to mention, it's kind of a cop out for not knowing what you want..."I don't know what I want right now, but I see a cow, so I must want milk." With that said, I continue to believe in recognizing red flags. I mean, if the person you are with hasn’t returned any phone calls, texts, tweets, or emails in three weeks, and you stumble across pictures of them on Facebook (when you were not creeping on their page, by the way) drunkenly mackin’ on some broad, seemingly having the time of their life, then obviously, yes. You should take that as a sign that you are probably single now (and the person you were with is a complete ass). But otherwise, signs are not automatic beckoning’s from the heavens, ordering you to make drastic life changes and forcing you to throw everything you were going for in reverse in order to comply.

Following every sign you think you see and leaving your life up to chance does not go hand-in-hand with happiness. I think there are tons of things that just naturally fit together in perfect harmony in this world. Peas and a pod. Peanut butter and jelly. Cory and Topanga. Katy Perry and 3D boobs (notice I didn’t say anything about Katy Perry and singing). Feelings and living the life you want, just like Blake Lively and white-trashy female roles in movies, go hand-in-hand. But living a life you want to live, and signs, do not necessarily go together.

If I lived my life based purely on signs, I’d be even more indecisive than I am right now; always searching for a sign to tell me where to go, what to do, who to do, etc. The same goes for feelings and emotions. I may be emotionally driven, but I have to be logical, too. That whole “follow your heart and take your brain with you” thing is not just words typed onto a picture of Drake for 15,678 people to ‘like.’ I’m certain that it has true meaning, and I’m also certain that Drake didn’t say that…

My friend put it to me best: People that are constantly looking for signs are going to see what they want to see, and then they will say a sign is what they saw. EVERYTHING could be seen as a sign of SOMETHING. That’s why I have my feelings and emotions to guide me. In relationships, it’s simple really. I make decisions based on how I’m feeling about someone. Once I’ve made the decision to commit to that one person, the only thing changing my mind is a change in my feelings. Not the signs I see. I refuse to let external sources be the death of a decision I so strongly made by myself or with another person. Just because I might be out on the town, and the DJ decides to throw down on a track and it happens to be the one song that reminds me of a past love, that doesn’t mean I am fleeing the scene and running away to find them. If I did, that would be very Impulsive Erica of me. However, hearing that song could send some massive feeling through me, yelling at me that I made a huge mistake, shaking me with the thought of how I miss that person like crazy, and begging me to think on this very hard and maybe even do something about it. Now, if that’s the case, then I will do just that.

I don’t want to let myself act on the signs I see. I want to act on the feelings I feel, because you can’t get more real than a feeling. Feelings are what keep us afloat when we don’t even know what we are floating for anymore. No matter how you live your life, you can’t deny that the way we feel is all we really know about ourselves. Why would we want anything else making decisions for us?

10 Movies to Blame for My Romantic Expectations

I am currently a woman that's torn. When it comes to love, I'm walking a fine line. I am one of those women that's been screwed over just enough times to have lost all hope that someone I love will ever have the ability to commit to me. But I've also been pleasantly surprised by people that I love enough times to believe that passionate and crazy love, love that beats insecure and uncertain love up, still exists. In other words, I'm one failed expectation of a lover away from being a cynic. Well, at that point, I'd probably consider it being a realist, but we will cross that bridge if we come to it. And here's hoping we don't...

Regardless of my cynical tendencies, I am 100% a hopeless romantic-type. I know, I know. What twenty-something, single woman is not a hopeless romantic-type, right? It's not my fault. I was born this way. And I actually kind of enjoy it. Sure, it makes my expectations of any love interests a little higher than normal, and my standards a little strict, but if you manage to get through the initiation round, I'm quite the catch myself. I place the same standards on myself in a relationship that I do my significant other. What other way is there to successfully maintain a relationship with someone? 

But enough with my accidental sales pitch for why I'm a 10 out of 10... 

To differentiate from the current state of my love life (which is romantically lacking in basically every way), I will be pulling from every wearing thin romantic bone left in my body in order to bring you the movies that make me want my life to be like a movie. These movies have planted a hope of romanticism in my brain. I, and anyone that I date, can basically blame these 10 (because I could go on forever but no one has the time for that so I limited myself to 10) movies for raising the bar and reminding me that romance does exist, whether you partake in it or not. Take notes.

Titanic. The quintessential romantic movie. Next to Romeo & Juliet, it's Leo's best romantic movie yet (and I don't see any romance in killing yourself, or myself for that matter). The persistence of Jack throughout the movie is something you can only get from movies. Everyone else would have tried once, and then proceeded to party it up with the mice on the lower deck for the entire devastating trip, banging other hot chicks on the boat. But not Jack. He knew what he wanted and went for it. Rose would have been a dumb broad to pass that shit up. She also could have shared that door or whatever it was she was hogging when Jack died, and he might have lived to treat her well for the rest of her horse-riding life. That bitch.

Grease. Probably one of the first movies I ever watched that taught me anything about love. And it's not that you need to pick up smoking and tease your hair to prove your love for someone. It's that YOU'RE A FAKE, AND A PHONY, AND I WISH I NEVER LAID EYES ON YOU! But that aside, it's kinda romantic, and at the very least, this song is fucking catchy. You can't deny that.

Never Been Kissed. As weird as it is that Josie had never been kissed, and now she's suddenly going to be banging a hot teacher, it's still romantic. In a depressing, only happens in the movies, kinda way. BUT this movie does leave me thinking that if Josie can get this with high school pictures like hers, then there's hope for all of us.

Love Actually. Even with her man-face, someone still thought Keira Knightley was "perfect" enough in this movie to throw her a romantic gesture party. All you need is white poster board, a boom-box, Christmas, and some magazine cut-outs. Actually, the entire Love Actually movie is full of romantic gestures. But no one wants to relive that awful scene with Colin Firth speaking REALLY bad Portuguese. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Google it. You will understand why I picked the man-face over the Portuguese.

10 Things I Hate About You. I'm not entirely sold on the idea that someone who looked like Heath Ledger would have to work so hard to get a date with someone, but he did. And he did it well. Patrick's ability to swoon Kat in this movie is largely based on the way he can slide down that pole and his hot jacket, but I think there's something to be said for not being afraid to express your love for someone with a billion other people around, as well. He doesn't care who knows, and that's the best part. He's not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, but he might as well be. 

Friends with Benefits. Dylan knows that Jamie wanted her life to be like a movie. And he also royally effed up by being a complete asshole. Therefore, he had to do something in order to get her back. He took everything he knew about her and pretty much all of their fun inside jokes and compiled it into one giant romantic ultimatum that she couldn't get out of even if she wanted to. And he basically got it on with her in public afterwards, so that seals the deal.

This Means War. In one of the scenes in the movie, FDR turns down sex with a hot flight attendant because he thinks he's falling for Lauren. This isn't exactly what drives me to be romantic, but THAT scene alone pretty much BEGS for disappointment in real life. No one turns down sex these days. Let's get real. Anyone who does is definitely a romantic.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. You don't have to be in advertising to know that white roses will get any job done in terms of being romantic. You just have to watch this movie and/or read this blog, apparently. I know what you are thinking...this entire movie was based on a bet, he only sent her those flowers to get Knicks tickets, blah blah blah. Do you know how this movie ends?! 

The Notebook. Can't have a blog about romance without this movie involved. It's practically a modern girls guide to romance. The fact that Noah built Allie her dream home, even after her crazy Mom forced them apart for years by hiding Allie's snail mail, isn't only romantic, it's also extremely desperate. And you know what? I fucking love it. Don't get me wrong. Not all romantic gestures need to take years to plot out and need to be so drastic. You don't want to miss your opportunity, of course. But all romantic gestures should probably involve a hot, wet (from the rain sicko), and passionate rekindling. 

Dirty Dancing. This movie alone could be to blame for every romantic expectation of all time. Period. Nothing could compare to Johnny's dance moves and stern words about putting Baby in the corner, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try...

How to Be a Constant

We are all well aware that people sometimes come and go so quickly in our lives, it's hard to remember them after a small amount of time passes. And others come and go, but not so quickly at all. I'm not sure which is worse, actually. I'd like to think that having someone choose to leave your life after being around for ten years would be worse than them leaving after only six months, but I have to say, I'm not convinced. Leaving is leaving, after all. I think it's safe to assume that there are only a handful of people in life you've been lucky enough to call constants- they are always there for you, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you are being, or how drunk you are, or how hard it is to keep in touch with you, they always find a way to be in your life because they want to be.

Luckily for me, I have three sisters and a brother, all of which are stuck with me, regardless of my laughing fits that annoy the shit out of them, and my complete blonde moments, when I don't understand a thing my brother is talking about; I also have my parents that have been happily married for almost 40 years - If that's not a constant, I don't know what is. Other than my family, I can count the number of constants in my life on two-maybe even one-hand.

Things are different for me now, obviously. No longer am I sitting around, worried about who on the cheerleading squad might be talking about me behind my back. I think they call this growing up...I've finally reached a point in my life where I am, instead, figuring out who is in my life for a reason, and who is in my life just to pass through, probably causing some emotional damage along the way. You can pick and choose and be on your way- like you are weeding people out of your life- OkCupid style. Five-starring the keepers, and scrolling past the rest. Let me just hit this point home by saying, I've never intentionally five-starred anyone in my three years on OkCupid.

Congratulations... this is what your mid-twenties is about (no, not OkCupid). It's not about the number of people you slam (that was college, remember?), it's not about how much money you make (I imagine that comes later), and it's hardly about Sunday Funday (like the name says, it's fun and all, but really?), it's about first figuring out yourself, and then figuring out the people that surround you, and deciding why they were brought into your life.

Now is the time where you can decide who you want in your life, and whose life you want to be in. Rarely do we meet someone that makes us think "This is it; there's a reason you're coming into my life now," and I can only think of one person, in my entire 25 years and 358 days (What? I told you 5 posts ago- I think in terms of time), that had me asking myself that question. There is a very small window to figure out why someone came into your life, before they are gone from it again, hardly ever looking back. An even smaller window if you don't know how to treat the person the way they deserve to be treated. Just saying.

While I am all about living young, wild, and free in your twenties, I think something is missing from many twenty-somethings lately. Since when does being a twenty-something mean you have to run through people like you are eight and they are your barbies? It will be a rude awakening for some when they come to terms with the fact that they should be using this time to build relationships, not burn bridges.

Ultimately, everyone has a choice. The fact of the matter is, a lot of people will choose to be without you. For many reasons...They will blame timing, they will say life got in the way, they will be too lazy to ever figure out why you came into their life, or more accurately, they will not care nearly enough about you to give you the chance to be in their life. Even fewer people than that choose to be with you, will choose to make you a constant in their life, and give you the same privilege. If someone pops in your life and you are suddenly wondering why, there's a reason for it. It's up to you if you want to ignore it. When those people come around, give them- and yourself- the chance to figure out why. Otherwise, it could be you that's missing out.

15 Effing Great Symptoms of Singledom

I've been single for almost six months now (but who's counting) and I have to say... Being single right now, at this point in my life, is not at all a bad thing. Not what you expected to hear, I'm sure. Of course, if I was married with children, maybe I'd be defending that lifestyle, instead. However, I am in no way married and I, in no way, have mini-me's skipping about town. Therefore, singledom is what I have, and, let me tell ya, it is effing great. At least for the time being. I won't promise you that I will enjoy these things forever. Eventually, I know I'd enjoy the opposite of these things, actually. But all we have is today, right? Here's why being single doesn't suck.

1. This song becomes your mantra, and it's all good because, obviously, Jason Derulo enjoys being single, so why wouldn't you?

2. Your money is ALL your money. No longer are the days when you have to pay for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get wasted, to eat, to get into the movies, or to go halfsies on a really overpriced anniversary gift for your "future in-laws." Barf. Anyways, what's yours is yours. And it's a magical thing.

3. You can do whatever the hell you want to do with yourself. If you want to go out on the town with that really obnoxious friend of yours, you can do so without a significant other complaining in your ear the entire time. If you want to go three days without showering, you can (although, I don't recommend it). If you want to get wasted and dirty dance with the creeper across the bar, that creeper is ALL yours. Do whatever you want to do. The possibilities are endless.

4. You have free rein on your bed. The 4376732 pillows on your bed are all yours. Don't worry about hogging the blankets, or, God forbid, someone else hogging your blankets. The teddy bear is there only for your enjoyment (Okay, that's probably just my teddy bear...). The bed is yours, man. You want to sprawl out in the middle? Fucking do it!

5. Being single is the one and only time that a booty call is allowed. I'm not advising you to be a whore. Please don't confuse the two. Instead, pick one booty call, and call that one every single time. That's way less whorish of you. Or don't do that. Whatev. You're single, remember?!

6. Renting a movie has never been easier. "Erica, what do you want to rent tonight?" "Oh, I don't know, Erica, what do you want to rent?" "Another romantic comedy?" "Those are my favorite!" It's so easy! I swear I'm not crazy...

7. Speaking of romantic comedies. Every single one you watch will give you new hope that the next date you go on will lead you to the one. The one that lights a fire under your ass to take on the world together, the one that makes you forget the wrong ones, or the one that makes some grand romantic gesture to express how amazing you are. It's just a hope. But a hope has got to be better than no hope.

8. You learn a lot about yourself while you are single. You figure out what you want to do when you can do anything at all. For example, I had no idea until recently, but I apparently REALLY enjoy sitting at home alone on weekend nights watching "You Got Served," drinking my PBR every time someone dances, or when a guy wears a hat. That's correct, I am a sucker for solo drinking games. This is crucial information to know about oneself. If I had a significant other, I probably would have been too busy banging to discover this about myself. 

9. The only family gatherings you have to attend are your own. When your hoosier aunt asks you why you are single, tell her it's because you got tired of having to share your bath salts. That should give her something else to talk about. 

10. Making plans requires no one else but you. That whole "let me check with my lover" before you commit to something or before you RSVP to a Facebook invite is out the window. You can make your own decisions! You're a big kid now! 

11. Suddenly, everyone else's love life becomes a lot more interesting. Your own love life is no longer all-consuming. You have spare room in your head to give two shits about other people. It's a rude awakening how selfish you've clearly been once you get to this point, but you're aware now. It won't happen again. 

12. You realize that you DO have friends! When some people are in relationships, they tend to forget that they have friends because, as the song goes, all you need is love. Boy, were The Beatles wrong. Yes, I just said The Beatles were freaking wrong. Love is not all you need. You need a lot of things, actually. Friends being a huge one. Don't lose track of them.

13. More drawer space. Anyone that stays the night with you these days must take all of their belongings with them as they depart. No exceptions. Not to mention, anything you've ever gotten from your exes, or anything they left behind, will most likely be packed up in a Rubbermaid tote and stored in the basement. You don't need reminders, but you do need room for your "I'm single, bitches!" wardrobe.

14. There is no one to let you down. Those expectations you would have of your hypothetical significant other are, clearly, hypothetical. Rest easy, my single friend. Your hypothetical lover will call when they said they will, will not eye-fuck the shit out of the hot bartender, or anyone else besides you, for that matter, and they will send you flowers- even when they didn't completely screw up. 

15. You don't have to meet anyone else's expectations, either. The only standards you need to meet right now are your own. You can use your singledom to get your shit together so that when you do find the person who wants to share every waking second of their life with you, you'll be someone worth sharing it with. 

"There's something to be said for being single."

(words of wisdom from my amazing co-worker that's been happily married for 12 years as of this week. haha)  :) 

"All or Nothing" Strikes Again

If you've ever fancied anyone at all, you will know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that being "just friends" with someone that you are, for lack of a less self-deprecating term, utterly obsessed with, is almost worse than seeing that person with someone else entirely. We have all been through those times when we have had to, reluctantly, tell someone that we simply cannot be their friend because... now here's the kicker... it's too painful for us. This is the biggest catch-22 I have ever heard of. It hurts too much to just be your friend, so I choose to be absolutely nothing at all. There. That's better.

This overrated concept of being "all or nothing" with a person is actually pretty devastating when you get down to the nitty gritty. Without even trying, you are giving someone an ultimatum: Give me the best of you, or don't give me anything at all. Why do we do this to the people we love? Most importantly, why would we ever do this to ourselves? Short answer: Because we think we deserve someone that is willing to step it up, let go of their inhibitions, and suddenly give us all they've got.

I am constantly reminded by my friends and family (and all of the randoms in between that I talk to about my love life, not to exclude bartenders and my new gay man-friend on a Friday night), that I deserve someone that doesn't second guess their feelings for me. If I had a Froot Loop for every time I heard, "You deserve someone that feels the same way about you that you feel about them," I'm certain that I could live happily on Froot Loops for the rest of my life. Who wouldn't want that?! Screw sex on the regular and REALLY screw being in love; I have Froot Loops, damnit!

But still, regardless of the number of times my sisters and my friends tell me so, and despite the efforts of some extremely fabulous gay men, I'm not sure I believe it myself. Who's to say that I deserve someone so sure of herself and of her feelings for me? Who's to say that I deserve someone SO willing to be "all or nothing" with me? Maybe I deserve someone who is completely confused and torn, and at the most, they know they don't despise me, and I look so-so on Sunday morning; Those people have to be loved eventually, too, right? Okay, so I don't think I'd allow myself to settle for that kind of thing, but hopefully I've proven a point or two:

How does anyone really know what they deserve?

And at what point is it acceptable for a friendship to be held hostage by one person because they aren't getting what they "deserve" from the other person?

The logic behind the "all or nothing" strategy is actually quite legit. If someone doesn't want to give you their all, as you do them, then you have to move on. The only real way to do so is by cutting your losses and, essentially, cutting them out of your life in order to move forward. Sticking around, only to watch them give their all to someone else, would be detrimental to your mental health. And the last thing you need is to end up on an episode of Snapped. Not only that, but to continue to grace this friend of yours with your presence after they've shot you down is allowing them to - you guessed it - have their cake, and eat it, too. Which is a saying I will never fully understand, but if the shoe fits...

What I've learned recently is this: Quitting someone cold turkey is top-shelf protection of the heart. Of course, talking to that someone is always wonderful, and seeing them regularly is a great idea, in retrospect. But knowing that you can't HAVE all or BE all for that person can do a large number on your heart. No one is worth that kind of damage, and more importantly, no one deserves that kind of damage. We don't deserve damage done to us by people we are willing to give our all. I know I'm uncertain about what I deserve, and I might be a little unsure of what you deserve, but I think I know what we don't deserve. I'd say that's a damn good start.

What None of Us Want to Hear and What Needs to Be Said: 

Just because you are willing to drop everything for a person, and they might be a little unsure of things, that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed for failure. With that said, you need someone that's at least willing to try. If someone isn't as willing as you to make things work, tread lightly, my friend, because this bitch could change their mind in a heartbeat, and then where would you be?  ; )