The Theory of Two Degrees & A Cosmopolitan-esque Quiz

How often is it that you see someone extremely good looking that has a significant other that’s, well, not so significant? A stunning human being with someone that’s a huge dud? It’s a total travesty. I realize it’s also a total travesty to be so superficial when it comes to two people that have fallen in love, but it’s one of those things that everyone’s thinking, and only I will be an ass enough to acknowledge it. Regardless, this very thing was a topic of discussion among some of the people that I work with the other day (because we will talk about anything to get out of talking about work).

Out of our discussion came this theory that I’m now labeling the Theory of Two Degrees. Apparently this has been talked about before (by other slackers at their day jobs, I bet), but I Googled it and got nowhere (I even went to the 2nd page- I TRIED). The theory implies that everyone finds someone, and when they do, that person is most likely within 2 degrees of them on some intangible scale. In other words, if I’m, let’s say for kicks, a whopping 8 (hey, just being honest here)… the person that I would likely end up with would be considered – give or take – only as low as a 6 (I guess I’ll take it), and possibly as high as a 10 (SCORE!). This theory is what people are subconsciously thinking of when they tell you “you are way too good looking for him” or “I can’t believe you snagged that hot m-effer. CONGRATS!” and then they talk about you behind your back. BUT that’s a different blog…

I won’t go into details as to how we arrived at this theory, but it’s based on very factual information, thus, it must be legit. At least legit enough to get me thinking about it. My biggest hang-up with the theory is that I have no idea where I stand on this scale, nor do I know where to start. I mean, personally speaking, I’d love to consider myself at least in the middle of the road with this. Is a 5 too much to ask here? I don’t think so. Maybe even higher? It's gotta be higher. I mean, I meet all of society’s personal hygiene requirements; That has to count for something. I am not on welfare, that has to be at least an additional point for me. You catch my drift.

In order to put an end to my degree madness, I’m going to go all Cosmopolitan on your ass and create a quiz. (Rest assured, it’s one that will rank me high on the degree scale; Perks of creation). 

(After the fact note: All I have to say is those Cosmopolitan people must have a shit ton of time on their hands, because this thing was ridiculously hard and time consuming).

Go ahead and take the quiz. Then, once you have, take a good look at your (non)significant other, and know your worth, damnit!

The What Degree Am I? Quiz

Give yourself a point for every one that is TRUE about you. If it is FALSE, move along without giving yourself a point:

1.       I am employed.

2.       I currently do not have a rat-tail or a mullet.

3.       Cargo shorts and DC’s are two things that I do not wear (No half points here! It’s all or nothing!)

4.       I have never physically cheated on someone.

5.       I have a sense of humor, and I can laugh at myself when I am a complete idiot. (Again, all or nothing!)

6.       I enjoy doing new things as often as I can.

7.       I follow-through when I say I will.

8.       I don’t make promises I don’t plan to keep.

9.       I believe I am impressive and someone would be lucky to have me.

10.   My car is clean; People don’t have to worry about sitting on my week-old lunch in the front seat.

11.   I am not a cheap ass. BE. FREAKING. HONEST. Some of you are cheap asses, and I will call you on it in a heartbeat.

12.   I am not a particularly selfish person.

13.   I don’t criticize anyone else’s taste in music.

14.   I dress well. (Ask someone close to you, or someone that hates you. Either will give you an honest answer)

15.   I don’t find thrill in sleeping around. AKA I’m not a ho.

16.   I don’t have any long-lost children that will show up at my doorstep in 10 years.

17.   I don’t live with my parents.

18.   I enjoy my family, and they are important to me.

19.   I believe that there is someone for everyone, and once I have found them, I will be loyal. (This question is made for me, and my enjoyment only.. But feel free to give yourself a freebie or something, because if you don’t agree, you probably missed the point on #15, as well as this one. I would hate for you non-believers to get too far behind as I roll my eyes at you).

20.   I consider myself at the maturity level of an adult.   

Now that you’ve completed the quiz, take a look at where you stand!

20-15 points – “The Keeper!”

Congratulations! You are most likely in the 7-10 range on the Theory of Two Degrees scale. A true keeper, if you ask me, and I would know best…I’m only the creator of this here quiz! Your best mate would be someone that falls in the 5-12 range on the scale. You might be wondering if a 12 is even possible… but yes, it is. Sure, why not. We made this up, remember? We make the rules! And if someone is a 12, they freaking deserve to be called it. Get yourself a hottie and make everyone else jealous, because you clearly deserve it. DO IT.

14-9 points – The “Back-Up Plan When The Keeper is Already Kept”

Okay, so if this was a true Cosmo quiz, there would be a “middle-ground” category. I would know. I was cursed with the “middle ground” result in every quiz I ever took (It was a lot back in the day). THIS category would be the middle ground category of the theory. It’s a cop out for saying “You aren’t spectacular, but you have your shit together. Somewhat. Kinda. We can’t really tell.” You are most likely in the 4-6 range on the Theory of Two Degrees scale. Your best match in a lover is, in the least, a 2 on the scale, and at most, you could snag an 8. If you catch yourself an 8, better play for keeps. Fo’ real.

8-4 points - The “I’m Just Happy To Be Here”

Meh. You are a little rusty, but not TOO far off the beaten path. You could still make a comeback if you make some drastic changes in your world. You are probably a 3 or a 4 on our Theory of Two Degrees scale. Your best hope in a significant other could be as great as a 6 on the scale, but could also weigh in as low as a 1. There is a HUGE gap between a 1 and a 6, so, by all means, aim high, man.

4-0 points – The “If the Scale Went Negative, So Would I”

Really?! Those requirements were EASY PEASY to meet. But in your defense, I guess everybody has to be loved by SOMEBODY. You’re most likely a 1 or a 2 on the scale, but, I have to be honest: you would be lucky to be on this imaginary scale whatsoever at this point! If you have a significant other, you must have the nicest smelling pheromones anyone has ever encountered, as well as a very keen power of persuasion. Or an endless supply of Love Potion #9 and/or rufies. That’s right. I said it. Figure it out! Use my quiz as a guide to get started on your long road to recovery.

Now, someone tell me this theory and its components aren't made-up by some chick bored at home on a Thursday night, and that they are actually plausible ideas. Then, I'll be good to go. 

Oh, and if that's the case, then, yes, I’m a “Keeper." Duh. :)