In case you couldn't tell, I'm a very open person. Shocked, right? I consider myself to be pretty outgoing and there's not a whole lot I wouldn't talk about with another person. But lately, I've been doing a ton of thinking on my own, and trying to look INSIDE for the answers for a change. I don't know if it's the circumstances of the past few months, or the nearing end of the year, but I've been doing a bit of soul searching in order to get my mind right, if you will. As you know, I use this blog as an outlet for myself, and you can tell by my posts that my mind never stops. I'm always thinking and analyzing. But I wanted to take some time to share something different besides a love-related theory I've crafted up so cleverly in my own crazy head. This isn't exactly anything profound or life-changing. Instead, it's really something I've come to grasp over the span of the past year, and it's allowed me to change the way I think in terms of what's next for me.
You see, I am so close with so many people in life. I have a big, yet very close family, and I have some wonderful friends that I just adore. It's very important to me that they know what's happening in my world and that I know what's happening in theirs. I personally like to believe that you only become closer with people once you can open up with them and vice-versa. With that said, I never typically have second thoughts about asking for advice from other people about my relationships. It is never out of ill intent that I would talk to people about things going on, whether they are positive things or negative things. I wouldn't want to paint a negative light on the person that I care so much for to my family or friends, but I was seeking advice. It just seemed like the logical "girl thing" to do, to talk to my close friends, talk to my sisters, or talk to my Mom. The people I look up to, think fondly of and admire could surely be able to help me get through some issues in the right way. Certainly, THEY have the experience that I possibly lack, as they've probably been through this, or they have a friend whose friend has been through this, and completely innocently, they would be able to guide me right, or show me something that I might be missing. I've always been one to think that getting different perspectives can be helpful and is needed in order to grow and change.
But I think I've changed my mind on a very specific part of this: Talking about my relationship openly when there is an issue bothering me or something I'm struggling with. This year, someone tried to explain to me that every one's situations are different and by talking about certain things with certain people, I was ultimately comparing my situation to theirs and possibly developing expectations that could be outside of my own relationship. At the time, I was dead set that I was not COMPARING my relationship to anyone else's, instead I was seeking the experience from someone I cared about that had my best interest in mind.
Lately, however, when thinking about the experiences that came with this year, I've come to realize that no one else could possibly hold the answers I would have needed except the person I was with. But there's a catch: The person I'm with has to be willing to communicate about it, as well. Otherwise, I'm just one person in a two person relationship, trying to read some one's mind and make important decisions single-handedly that impact both me and the person I love. I am totally aware that not every one's forte is communication. I love to talk, I love to be cheesy and be like "What are you thinking about?" and "Tell me something! Anything!" and I get that some people absolutely are not like that. But I am 300% certain that there are particular situations that MUST have two-way communication if something is going to work out.
With all of this thought, I have found myself craving a kind of secret world, if that makes sense. One that only me and the person I love know about. A world that's so sure of itself, no outsiders stand a chance at interfering with it or altering it in any way. The intimate privacy between me and one other person that I care deeply for and that cares deeply for me.
I look forward to the time where I have another person to share that world with. Someone that looks forward to me and that world, too. Someone that is more than willing to talk to me about absolutely anything, from our own problems, to their own problems, to my own problems. Another person that's fine discussing things, laying out the options, making a decision as a duo. Just two people, each with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and most of all, care. Two people with care, each for the other one, enough to where we trust each other so much, respect for one another is never a question, but a way of life. Two people that won't buckle to outside opinions from family or friends, and not because their opinions are not valued, but because between the two of us, we can handle it. We are capable of our own decision making. We are the two people that know US best, we know OUR history, and OUR future, and what WE want and need. We shouldn't have to look elsewhere for advice and opinions, because we can look to each other and do it together.
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