When You've Never Been More Wrong

I'm not one to let my pride get in the way of admitting when I'm wrong. Usually, I can be pretty upfront and outright about when I completely effed up, when I incorrectly use a word in a sentence or sing the wrong lyrics. No big deal. I don't get ashamed easily, I'm a big girl, I can take it. I guess this isn't typically the sort of thing that I'm "never more wrong" about. If I've "never been more wrong," it's usually pertaining to people; for example, if I ridiculously judged someone and it turns out, they aren't nearly the bitch I thought they were, I've never been more wrong; if I thought they were such a fun person to hang out with after hangout #2, and they turned completely crazy during hangout #3, I've never been more wrong; Lastly, if I meet someone and suddenly "I just know this feels right," 9 times out of 10, I've never been more wrong.

I've always been one to believe in that whole "when you know, you just know" thing. However, until (somewhat) recently, I've never actually experienced just knowing when someone or something feels right. Once you have it happen to you, you realize that it really IS possible. It's possible to finally understand your own feelings and know exactly what you want to come of them- no confusion. It's finally possible to tell the difference between what you wish were real feelings, what's only real because it's convenient, and what is actually real. I know I've felt the opposite end of the spectrum... like when you know something is just off; there's maybe one little thing you can't quite put your finger on that always holds you back a bit from giving someone your all and stuff gets blurry and confusing, and then it just ends. But when you just know it feels right, it's as simple as that. No complications, just rightness.

Now, the catch...because, there's always a catch when something is too good to be true. Well, that's exactly what it is sometimes: too good to be true. See, what they don't tell you about the "when you know, you just know" concept is that sometimes, when you think you know, you've never been more wrong. Apparently, that's been my experience. I know I said 9 times out of 10 I'm so wrong about this. But the truth is, I'm currently 1 for 1. I'm not even lucky enough to have experienced this 10 times. Or 9 times. Just once. And to top it all off, I just happen to be wrong. 

This situation has caused me to look back on my previous relationships. Am I in denial about the number of times I "just knew?" Am I giving this situation way too much credit? Maybe it's because I was too young to care about what truly felt off in the past, maybe I was less self-aware and didn't know what I wanted, or maybe I was more (even more than now) cynical at the time, but I think I can safely say that I never felt the rightness with them for one reason or another. Ah, the things you come to realize...

Anyways, all of this reflecting has taught me something. It's that finding what feels right and going with it, despite shitty timing and anything else or anyone else, is the bees-knees, man. If we were doing the hokey-pokey, I'd say that's what it's all about. Sometimes the situation is so wrong, and in fact, it's quite possibly the complete opposite of what you thought you wanted, but that's the best part. It's so wrong that it's right. 

With that said, if there's anything good to come from me having "never been more wrong" than I am right now, it's that now I can at least say I know what feels right. Things might not have panned out the way I would have hoped, and they may have been cut short or will remain unfinished until further notice. However, this has taught me that even when I'm wrong about someone or something, it doesn't change the fact that, for whatever it's worth, so far in My So-Called Life, nothing has felt nearly as right. You gotta start somewhere I guess.

Thought Catalog Copycat: 33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

In case you can't tell from my Facebook activity, I'm what one would call a "Thought Catalog regular." If I could score free drinks, or at least some kind of hook-up, and request my favorite writer every time I visited Thought Catalog, I definitely would. I'd be one of those people that felt obligated to leave a sweet ass tip because I'm in so often. Unfortunately, Thought Catalog is already a free gig, and, what's even more unfortunate, you can't get any alcoholic beverages through the web site (I think I just invented something...).

Anyway, my point is this: Sometimes I read an article on Thought Catalog, and then I curse myself up and down because I WANT to write about that! Or I wish I WROTE that exact article because it's amazingly spot on to something I'm going through myself and, not to mention, it's written extremely well. But some other overly emotional, overly analytical, and just the right amount witty writer beat me to it. The best part is, they probably used way less four-letter words than I would have, had I written the article in the first place. Fuck.

With that being said, I decided to take one of my favorite Thought Catalog articles I found back in the day (or in July) and remake it for myself. Originally by Jason Cook, "33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me" is one of my favorites because it's basically a dating-disclaimer that every single person should be required to complete before getting wifed up again. I'm aware 33 things is quite a lot, and I'm going to have to be very self-indulgent during my time writing this. But after all, this is MY disclaimer; it's only natural to be selfish. Please be warned.

33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

1. I'm not a guarded person. And by that, I mean I will express my feelings on a regular basis.
2. Romantic comedies have ruined me. Yet, they've given me so much hope, it ain't even funny.
3. I have a Justin Bieber toothbrush that sings to me every morning. THANKFULLY.
4. I don't need to be spoiled with material things, but I could never date a cheap ass.
5. I NEED a great mix of structure and spontaneity in my life. I think too much of one or the other will only be detrimental.
6. I'm a smart ass. I can give it, and I can take it. In fact, I prefer someone that gives me a little shit sometimes. Playfully pick a fight with me. Please?
7. In relationships, I demand attention. If I don't feel special, what's the point? 
8. I will treat you amazing. I'm loyal, honest, and pretty thoughtful, if I do say so myself. 
9. I'm a bit of a dreamer. I think of new shit to do every day and only carry out like 2% of those things because the rest are simply not doable at this point in time. :\
10. I don't have a "3 date" rule or anything like that. I go with my feelings and that's all there is to it.
11. I completely believe you know love when you see it. I'm a total sucker for when you know, you know.
12. I'm a family-oriented person. You could expect to meet them and be intensely judged by them. KIDDING. But they are so important to me.
13. I sing in the shower. And in the car. And while I'm running. There is hardly a time when I'm not either listening to music or singing and dancing to something.
14. I'd probably embarrass the hell out of you with my laughing fits. 
15. I'm extremely ticklish. I go into survival mode when I'm being tickled and the chances of me kicking you are very high. 
16. I rarely cook. I would like to, but groceries are expensive and going out to eat with someone is always more fun.
17. I'm kind of a clean freak. 
18. I will typically wear whatever I want, even if you hate it. 
19. If I wear the same thing twice while we are dating, I've given up trying to impress you. Either that, or I'm no longer impressed by you...
20. Some of my toe nails are really fucked up from playing soccer... I'm sorry, that's gross, I realize. But it's something you should know in case you have some creepy foot fetish or something. 
21. Laundry is my least favorite chore.
22. If you find me sick and want to be sweet, I love Diet Pepsi, Gardetto's and flowers. 
23. I drive on E way more often than I should. 
24. REALLY want to get the in? Be rough in sex, and then lay in bed and play for as long as you can afterward. Literally the best of both worlds. 
25. I'm not religious. I can hold a conversation about it, but it's not my topic of choice.
26. I can't sleep in. If you sleep in all of the time, I'd probably just start to annoy the shit out of you because I will talk your ear off before you've been given the chance to hit the snooze button.
27. I'm not a fighter, but if I'm really into you, I'll try to work things out- to a fault, actually. I'm also a strong believer that you'd fight for me if you wanted me. 
28. I'm a typical lesbian. I can't wait to see you, hang out with you, talk to you any way I possibly can. However, I'm NOT the lesbian that will move in with you after a month. I'm committed, but not crazy.
29. I control my jealousy hardcore. I think it's the worst feeling anyone could feel. I refuse.
30. I hate playing games. If you really wanted to be with someone, you wouldn't be screwing with them. It's as simple as that. When you meet that person and you aren't ready, you're suddenly ready. When the timing is bad, it's suddenly perfect. There's no excuses for leaving me besides you didn't want to stay. If you aren't at this point in your life, we will not work. Period.
31. I'm pro being Facebook official. I'd love to brag about you online to my friends. 
32. I will most likely write about feelings I have for you/love/relationships for the rest of my life. These are things I love to write about. 
33. I'd date me. That's very telling, wouldn't you say?

Is It Really Just a "Twenties" Thing?

Last week, I pointed to a city on Google Maps with my eyes closed, searched for jobs in that city and applied to the first one I saw. Leaving my life up to chance, I would spend the next half an hour applying for a fireplace installation job in Wilmington, North Carolina. Sounds like a sweet gig. Sunday night on my run, I literally did math in my head (it's a miracle this was able to take place) to determine the number of hours it would take me if I were ever to just extend my run a couple thousand miles to the NW. OH, and yesterday, I ordered a book called "Quarter-life Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties" from eBay. (Okay, well that last one is only ridiculous because, if anyone knows me, I will never get through that book- or any book, for that matter. Reading is my least favorite hobby).

Regardless, these are the kinds of things that crazy people twenty-six year olds do. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. We are in the age of the twenty-somethings: those that regurgitate their emotions out over the Internet on a regular basis and the toughest decision they have to make right now is whether they should quit their amazing day job that they are completely spoiled by, and totally lucky to have landed, just so they can back-pack around Europe (or Wilmington, NC) or some shit.

The truth is, no matter how you let loose, or no matter how good of a job you might have, "the twenties" still suck. They should REALLY be called "The stage in your life when everything falls together for a day or two, and then falls apart for what seems like the next 10 years." But if I was "the twenties," I'd beg to differ.

There are PLENTY of people who seem to have their lives together in their twenties. If you call waiting tables to pay for school, getting married, and popping out babies like it's nobody's business having their lives together. But clearly, this isn't the lifestyle I was in search of. I wonder what the minority is in terms of twenty-somethings? Am I a part of the minority? Let's see... Despite the fact that I'm gay (which I'm not sure is the minority or majority, these days), I'm a single woman, with a "career ladder," that owns a house and a car, and on any given day, I teeter on the idea of dropping everything, picking up everything else, and skipping town for a bigger & better place, should there be one. Is this what every other twenty-something without a marriage license and a car seat is thinking, as well? Or maybe what I THINK is a twenties thing, is really just a schizo thing and I'm really just a schizo that happens to be in my twenties.... It could happen.

While I'm the president of "The Twenties Can Suck It" fan club, apparently, I do wonder if I should cut them some slack. I'm getting by just fine with my job, my friends, and having my family around. I have to tell myself that the "twenties" are not to blame for my inability to find a person that has their shit together enough to- not settle down, because I despise that term- but enough to commit to me, or at least not run at the first sight of something amazing. The twenties are also not to blame for my restless soul that would rather travel than work, and what compels me to spend 98% of my time thinking about what I could change in my life instead just living my life the way it is. Lastly, my twenties are not to blame for my lack of "up for anything" friends that will literally go with the flow and never say no to any sort of adventure that I put in their heads. Those adventures are only fun if I have some great people to tag along with me. Friends that also don't mind taking sick leave when they are feeling the best they've ever felt, just to day-drink and be irresponsible while we can, and who don't mind racking up every credit card they have just to road-trip to a sweet ass music festival in a city we've never set foot in. Seriously, I cannot be the only one who wants these things.

All I can hope for is that "the twenties" don't extend into "the thirties" or "the forties." Just like I know plenty of people that have their shit together right now, I know even more people that have their shit together in their thirties. I don't want to discount my twenties, or rush through them by any means. As annoying as they are sometimes, I'm not attempting to wish my life away. I guess running through the immaturity, and confusion, and the "who am I and why I'm here wahhhh" is more like it.

I think by the time I'm 30, I am going to want to go all Stone Cold Steve Austin on my twenty's ass. If my twenties even THINK about creeping into my thirties, they got another thing coming. I would not be okay with that. For someone with such a restless soul, I do like to think that I have a five-year plan. Although, that plan changes on a daily basis...

I'd like to thank my twenties for that.

5 Things that Piss Me Off at Concerts

Anyone that knows me is aware that I am big into music, and going to concerts is one of my favorite pastimes. I just got a boner thinking about it, actually. Recently, I've observed some things at concerts that I'd like to share with those less concert-conscious. Being a concert-goer is an art, don't ya know? SO many things can make or break the amount of a good time someone has at a show. Even things besides how expensive the alcohol is while you're there, or whether the lead singer is too doped up to function. Things like the 5 things listed below:

1. If you don't know any songs, or only know the "popular one," GET OUT OF THE WAY. Really. Just move. Let the people who know every line, of every chorus, of every song, get the good spot. For example: I'm a huge fan of Fun. I ADORE seeing them live; It's so much fun! Literally! I sing along, I jump, I dance, for god's sake, I must look fucking ridiculous, now that I think about it. Regardless, nothing pisses me off more than the person standing in front of me (at 6' tall, mind you), checking Facebook, waiting for "We Are Young" to play just so they can finally recognize something. Go sit on the sidelines, lame-o, this is serious shit.
2. Don't bring your draft beer into the pit, even if the place lets you. Isn't this kind of common sense? I'm at the point right now that it wouldn't be a concert if someone didn't pour an entire drink down my back. I get that you are drinking, and living the good life, and just trying to have a good time, man. But so am I, and I would prefer to not look like I just pissed myself while doing it.
3. Don't get so drunk/drugged up that you have to have your friend prop you up from behind. You know how much you can handle, just work with that. I guarantee you that your friend doesn't want to be your babysitter. And everyone else around you doesn't want to keep tabs on you, just to figure out if you are going to vom on them at any given second.
4. Don't be a zombie. NO ONE has a good time when they have an uptight concert-goer with them. I think the one thing that makes concerts so much fun is the fact that no one gives a flying fuck what anyone else does. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm certain that I look absolutely absurd when I am sweating my ass off from jumping, and fist pumping like it's not even Pauly D's business. But that's what you do at concerts- or at least the ones I'm going to. If you want to plant your feet in one spot and be a giant cock block for anyone trying to have a little fun, go see Celine Dion or something, NOT Grouplove (this is a hint for all Grouplove ticket-holders for the STL show in October). I didn't sign up for that shit. 
5. On the other hand, don't be the only people raging it up, either. This is tricky because of #3, and I'm a bit of a crazy one myself, but there's something to be said for letting the band be the center of attention. If you and your two friends are attempting to start an ever-so-cool mosh pit while everyone else is jabbing you in the abdomen with their shank, it's not because they want to join you. It's because you are annoying the shit out of them and no one else is playing with you. Look around. Try not to piss anyone off by going over the top with rocking out. You could instantly ruin someone else's time. If the people next to you are duds, try to move somewhere else with people who won't mind you actin' a fool.

40 Excuses to Drink

I have had some form of alcohol everyday for 14 days. Only one of those times did I actually consume enough alcohol to be intoxicated. Other times, maybe 2 beers here, a glass of wine there. Nothing crazy. As if that makes it okay to drink so often.

You should know, this has not been intentional. I'm not trying to break any self-obtained records. However, if there was an Olympic event involving alcohol, I could probably hold my own. If you'd care to join me in my alcoholicness, here's some easy excuses to throw one (or some) back.

Drink because...

1. it's Sunday Funday! Or, it's any other day, as well!

2. sometimes, life is rough, man.

3. you just got dumped.

4. you just got asked on a date by someone that's way too good looking for you. Let's celebrate!

5. it's your birthday!

6. it's someone's birthday, somewhere. It has to be.

7. you had a rough day at work.

8. you had an AWESOME DAY AT WORK!!

9. someone you wish would talk to you, simply isn't. I'll drink to that.

10. you don't have anything else to do.

11. it's way too hot to be outside, so you cool down inside with a drink.

12. being buzzed is way more fun than not being buzzed.

13. you miss someone.

14. you are wondering if someone misses you. Drink another one! The alcohol will tell you.

15. you just got new shoes?? 

16. you're in a room full of married people and their obnoxious children.

17. you're on a first date, and there's no spark whatsoever. There IS a full-bar, though. Winning!

18. it's the only way to make it through a work-week.

19. you are too lazy to go running.

20. you just found out your ex is engaged.

21. two of your Facebook friends just broke up. You were rooting for them, damnit! Nobody makes it anymore.

22. that perfect couple you like to stalk online just got even more perfect.

23. you live alone, and unless you're under the influence, it's fucking scary sometimes.

24. it's laundry day.

25. the sun is shining & it's 100 degrees! Or because it's raining for the first time in months! Whichever!

26. I'm watching The Strangers and Liv Tyler runs really funny. Not only that, but the fact that whatever is happening in that movie isn't happening to you is a damn good excuse to drink your ass off. Jesus, it's creepy.

27. you want a new job.

28. you would love to move, but have zero reason to.

29. you're going to get laid tonight.

30. you are nowhere near getting laid tonight.

31. you only live once.

32. it's the freakin' weekend, you about to have you some fun.

33. the radio keeps playing that second Carly Rae Jepsen song, and it's not NEARLY as fun as Call Me Maybe.

34. you're watching Titanic. [READ: Stay clear of wine, or any substances known to make you emotional with this one!]

35. you need an excuse to text/call/email/tweet/Facebook someone you're too scared to talk to sober. 

36. there's no Gmail recall button.

37. you're a fucking baller and can afford to!

38. a billion people do not love you like you love them.

39. SOMEONE will :)

40. Kohl's is having a sale. (What? In case all of the 39 other excuses didn't pertain to you!)

So, pick an excuse, and drink up, bitches. You're welcome.

9 Times When You Should Refrain from Messaging Me on OkCupid

Let me preface this particular blog with this: I realize that messaging strangers on an online dating site can be a nerve-wracking and scary task. Your palms are sweaty; you double and triple check your spelling (well, if you're one of the ones messaging me you don't, but I'd assume most people do); you check for accuracy just in case one day you are seriously dating this person, they don't catch you in some massive lie- trust me, girls are good at those sorts of things; you probably try to think of something witty or outside the box to say as to set yourself apart from the oodles of other fish in the sea.  I get it. It takes work to perfect your OkCupid message. It's an art, really. Well, in order to save you time, in case you decide to message me eventually, here are some simple things to get you on the right track.

Please don't bother messaging me on OkCupid if and when...

1. You would rather ask me out to coffee instead of out for drinks. There are two main reasons this would not go over well. a) If you're the coffee > alcohol type, I probably don't take myself serious enough for you and b) you're most likely way more philosophically driven than I am. This isn't me dragging myself down; I'm a smart gal and intellect is probably somewhere in my Top 5 traits in a potential mate. But nothing screams "AWWWKward" more to me than a first meeting at Starbucks. Better yet, please invite me to Starbucks, preferably around 2pm on a Saturday. It would give me a reason to wake up at 9am and start drinking. :) It's bound to be an interesting first meet-up.

2. Your entire message is "Hi." Really? That's the best you could come up with? I'm not looking for wedding vows or something super profound by any means. But a demonstration of a slight interest might help. Maybe something that takes a little sense of humor or, at least, a little thought. Unless you're TRYING not to get a response from me. You really know what you're doing in that case.

3. Your name is Jose, Jesus, or Omarion. First of all, that would mean you are of the male sex. Check again, my friend. GAY isn't the same as bisexual, borderline trashy girl on a dating site trying my hardest to hook up witchou or anyone else that's willing. It also suggests that you managed to creep me on Facebook (I don't mind the creeping, let's make that known now) to discover that I was so generously blessed with a badonkadonk (I do mind you messaging me about my ass, though. At least when we're strangers, anyway). No thank you.

4. You have an opinion of which of my pictures is more attractive than the others, and you proceed to tell me about it. Thanks for the opinion, however, if I was interested in which picture of mine appealed to you most, I probably would have messaged you already. Also, no need to proceed in looking at my profile on a daily basis, either. I'm not responding. Give it up.

5. Your relationship status says "Seeing Someone" or you don't have a relationship status listed because if you did, no one would talk to you. If I wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship, I'm sure there's creepy dating sites for those crazy ass people, too. But that's the LAST thing I'm interested in, obviously. So, again, move along. I require a lot of attention from my significant other, and if you're talking to Brandy, Monica, AND me, I can already tell this won't get very far.

6. You have  more than five spelling errors in your less-than-three-sentence message. As an adult with a proper education, it's only natural for me to cringe at your awful spelling and poor grammar usage. Slang is allowed as long as it's not gang lingo that I would never be capable of deciphering unless I employed the help of G-Unit.

7. You could never date someone that loves Hanson. I won't lie. I listened to them the entire time I was writing this. I'M COOL LIKE THAT. My inbox will be flooded now...

8. You just got dumped. Now, if you did the dumping, then sure. Message away. But if you just got dumped, please refrain. I'm not in any spot to deal with ex-girlfriend drama. I don't like to compete for anyone's time, and I sure as hell don't like to spend my time wondering if you'd rather be messaging your ex. Just get your shit together, then attempt to talk to other people. It will go much smoother for you and for the person you're trying to talk to.

9. You live at home with your parents and you are trying to "find yourself." SORRY. I'm over the age of 21, and even though I don't nearly have everything in my life together, I think I am on the right track. There's an entire world full of potential lesbian lovers that I'm tending to right now, so step up your game, man. Living with your rents at the ripe ol' age of 25 and working at a fast food joint is not "living young, wild, and free." I'm not trying to take care of someone. I am trying to be impressed by someone.

8 Guilty Pleasures I'm Willing to Admit

I won't lie; I have a list two thousand miles long of things I take pleasure in that anyone else would probably cringe at, keel over, and die before admitting. But I cannot, in any way, find it inside of me to pretend like these are things that I don't find some kind of joy in. I am 26 after all; practically a full-blown adult. Minus a few minor details. It's about time I own up to the things I am somewhat ashamed of not being ashamed of any longer.

1. My love for bad music.

This is completely open to interpretation. I don't actually think there's such a thing as bad music. (Unless you are Maroon 5 or Katy Perry, because that's just BAD). There's no point in hiding that I love having dance parties while listening to David Guetta and scrubbing my bathtub. I absolutely love blaring Hanson circa 1997 in my car with the windows down even if I am stopped at a light next to someone. I can't help but listen to, as some call it, my "hipster music," as if I'm the only Of Monsters and Men fan ever made. PLEASE, Icelanders everywhere love them. And God forbid, judge me for my undying love of "Call Me Maybe." The catchiness of the chorus, the joy in her voice as she sings which tells you she's smiling through every word, with her bangs and wretched chunky-heeled shoes. Oy vey! What's not to love about that cursed song?! But I love all good music, as well. I am just a lover of music, what can I say?

6 Truths that Hurt Like a Bitch

We are all well aware that the truth hurts, man. Even Usher thinks so. Here's some truths that hurt so bad sometimes, it was even painful to type them.

1. You might be young. But the truth is, you're only as wild and free as your bank account allows. Contradicting, I realize. Free doesn't equal free. Everything costs money these days. Chances are, it doesn't take a whole lot of money to make you happy, but it at least takes some. For example, something free and fun to do would be a concert of some sort. Something not so free (but even more fun!) would be all the alcohol you'd like to consume before/during/after said free concert!

2. The truth is, people choose to disappear from your life, whether they realize it or not. Nothing makes someone leave you and your life except them making the decision to do it. But it's okay to continue feeding yourself excuses for them. Seriously, tell yourself whatever you need to. Do whatever it takes to fucking move on from it. If they choose to leave you, then you should let them go. Make room for someone who wants you because you're amazing, not someone who wants to take for granted how amazing you are.

3. The truth is, we are always looking for the next best thing. Sure, I can sit here behind my 7-year old Macbook and type that I am "extremely happy with present-day Erica." Syke! What I really want to say is that I wish present-day Erica made enough dough to buy a brand new iPad, equipped with a keyboard, mouse, fancy case- all those fixins. But I definitely don't make enough dough for all those fixins. So, with that said, I'm looking forward to the time when I do. Just like you are looking forward to that promotion you've been working your ass off for, or that knight on a white horse to sweep you up and take you far, far away from your loser-significant-other misery, or whatever the case may be. Looking ahead is good, and (flexible) planning of a future is an absolute must. But we can't forget to look at today, as well.

4. The truth is, your family members are your best friends. No matter how many friends you have, or how great they are to you, your family, whether it's your Mom, your Dad, a sister, a cousin, a cousin's cousin's cousin, will always out-do them. And when you finally find someone to commit to and spend your Sunday Funday's, shitty Monday-Thursday's, Friday night and all day Saturday with, they become your family members. You see? You just turned a best friend into a family member. Looky there. That, my friend, is what they call MONOGAMY. Absurd for us twenty-somethings with YOLO on the brain, I know. Also, that's not to be confused with BOGO...

5. The truth is, no matter how many times you make a wish at 11:11, the chances of that wish actually coming true are, at most, slim to none. In fact, don't wish on stars, or when you blow out the candles, or when you pick an eyelash off your face, or EVER. If your wish is that someone would call you, get drunk and just call them. If it's that you wish you could go #2, buy some laxatives and stay in for the night (it happens...). If it's that you want to win the lottery, just give that up already. Seriously. Dad's everywhere already wished that. But I guess buy a ticket if that's your only wish in life. Whatev.

6. The truth is, your happiness lies in you, and ONLY you. Not in the city you reside, not in the job you have, not even in the company you keep. The only way to be happy is to make yourself happy. If you've ever wondered why, when someone is totally dragging you down, and nothing anyone says makes you feel better, it's because their opinion and advice, however valuable it may be, isn't going to save you. Only you can save you. Until you've figured that out, you will never be able to make anyone else happy, and you will constantly wonder why it's not working for you. Make yourself happy. And then do what it takes to make someone you are absolutely crazy about happy, too.

Birthday Sex

Or lack thereof. That’s right. This girl has no intentions of getting laid for her 26^th birthday. I don’t think I’m ashamed to admit it, even though I probably should be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going for celibacy here. Not at all. Never, actually. But I mean, I am single, after all, and what exactly do you take me for? Just because it’s my birthday, that doesn’t give me any right to slut it up like some broads do. I’m classy. On a good day. When you are deaf to the crude things I say, anyway.

I’ve given myself the pep talk, though. Not to worry. ‘Millions and millions of birthdays pass daily without any smushing taking place,’ I tell myself. This year, I will be one of those millions and millions. A part of the majority, I’m assuming—or at least that’s what I’m telling myself in order to ease the pain. I figure it could be worse. I could wake up and no one would even remember it was my birthday; that would be kind of awful. Or I could catch pneumonia the night before. I’d constitute that as worse than not getting any on my birthday. Or, to be even worse, I could be having one of those extended-family birthday parties like I’m turning 13 and I’d have to answer all kinds of awkward questions from people I don’t give two shits about. Yep, no sex doesn’t even come close to the terrible, miserable, ridiculously pitiful birthday that one would have been.

Besides, I imagine birthday sex in your 20’s is highly overrated. In fact, I think I’ll rename it to “The day-or weekend, rather- you get so wasted/high/drugged up that you can’t stand on your own two feet, so you proceed to lie down and let someone have their way with you” sex. That definitely takes the sting away of not getting any. Or does it?

So, now you know what I won’t be doing on July 15^th. You have some options here about what to do with this information:

1.       You can judge me. Or pity me, whichever you prefer. Full-on “OMG. This poor girl isn’t banging anyone on her birthday, she must be a lamer.” I don’t mind. I would probably do this if I was you, too. And I probably am a giant lamer, too, since we’re being so candid…

2.       You could have your own sex and say it’s for my birthday. Certainly, you can do this. It is truly my pleasure to give you an excuse to get it on, as if you need one. Please feel free to also think of me the entire time. I’m sure it will do wonders for you.

3.       You could offer.

I’M JUST KIDDING. Please don’t offer. If I wanted to have birthday sex with you, you would already know it. Do I seem like the timid kind to you?

All you really need to do in order to help me through this lack-luster (get it?!) time is wish me a Happy Birthday. Unless you are a hot lesbian that I actually know and have expressed interest in. That’s a different story.    ;)

Feelings > Signs

I’ve been told by a lot of people in my life that I am “very emotionally driven.” I'm assuming by this, they mean that I am a human being, and I have feelings. Because I am, and I do. I wouldn’t call myself impulsive, even though I have been known to act that way from time to time. I definitely wouldn’t call myself 100% logical, either, because apparently, the only time I’m logical is when it’s logical for me to be a giant ball of hyped up emotions. I guess that brings me back to square one: being emotionally driven.

The idea that I am so emotionally driven to do things got me thinking. What are other people like and how are they driven to do the things they do? I would imagine that there are a lot of things that can motivate someone and determine how they live their life. Some people are driven by money, their careers, what they are passionate about, and what they think will get them where they are wanting to go. And others are driven by signs, and the workings of fate. They take everything they feel and hide it behind little notions here and there that, they believe, are like a GPS of their life, providing the navigation from point A to point B. Never mind what those destinations may be, it was a sign that this was their journey, and they are on their way. This could just be me being overly emotional and all, but I would place bets that this person is most discontent of all of us, and I would even go so far as to raise them my emotions on this hand, as well. I might be bluffing, but you’d never know with this poker face.

I used to be a huge believer in signs. I'm still a huge believer that things work out as they are supposed to, eventually. But recently, my point of view on signs and fate has changed. Now, I only look for signs when I need to utilize my last lifeline on a million dollar question. As a last resort, if you will. This change of heart was derived from the fact that basing my life around signs is far riskier than anything I prefer to dabble in, and not to mention, it's kind of a cop out for not knowing what you want..."I don't know what I want right now, but I see a cow, so I must want milk." With that said, I continue to believe in recognizing red flags. I mean, if the person you are with hasn’t returned any phone calls, texts, tweets, or emails in three weeks, and you stumble across pictures of them on Facebook (when you were not creeping on their page, by the way) drunkenly mackin’ on some broad, seemingly having the time of their life, then obviously, yes. You should take that as a sign that you are probably single now (and the person you were with is a complete ass). But otherwise, signs are not automatic beckoning’s from the heavens, ordering you to make drastic life changes and forcing you to throw everything you were going for in reverse in order to comply.

Following every sign you think you see and leaving your life up to chance does not go hand-in-hand with happiness. I think there are tons of things that just naturally fit together in perfect harmony in this world. Peas and a pod. Peanut butter and jelly. Cory and Topanga. Katy Perry and 3D boobs (notice I didn’t say anything about Katy Perry and singing). Feelings and living the life you want, just like Blake Lively and white-trashy female roles in movies, go hand-in-hand. But living a life you want to live, and signs, do not necessarily go together.

If I lived my life based purely on signs, I’d be even more indecisive than I am right now; always searching for a sign to tell me where to go, what to do, who to do, etc. The same goes for feelings and emotions. I may be emotionally driven, but I have to be logical, too. That whole “follow your heart and take your brain with you” thing is not just words typed onto a picture of Drake for 15,678 people to ‘like.’ I’m certain that it has true meaning, and I’m also certain that Drake didn’t say that…

My friend put it to me best: People that are constantly looking for signs are going to see what they want to see, and then they will say a sign is what they saw. EVERYTHING could be seen as a sign of SOMETHING. That’s why I have my feelings and emotions to guide me. In relationships, it’s simple really. I make decisions based on how I’m feeling about someone. Once I’ve made the decision to commit to that one person, the only thing changing my mind is a change in my feelings. Not the signs I see. I refuse to let external sources be the death of a decision I so strongly made by myself or with another person. Just because I might be out on the town, and the DJ decides to throw down on a track and it happens to be the one song that reminds me of a past love, that doesn’t mean I am fleeing the scene and running away to find them. If I did, that would be very Impulsive Erica of me. However, hearing that song could send some massive feeling through me, yelling at me that I made a huge mistake, shaking me with the thought of how I miss that person like crazy, and begging me to think on this very hard and maybe even do something about it. Now, if that’s the case, then I will do just that.

I don’t want to let myself act on the signs I see. I want to act on the feelings I feel, because you can’t get more real than a feeling. Feelings are what keep us afloat when we don’t even know what we are floating for anymore. No matter how you live your life, you can’t deny that the way we feel is all we really know about ourselves. Why would we want anything else making decisions for us?