When You've Never Been More Wrong

I'm not one to let my pride get in the way of admitting when I'm wrong. Usually, I can be pretty upfront and outright about when I completely effed up, when I incorrectly use a word in a sentence or sing the wrong lyrics. No big deal. I don't get ashamed easily, I'm a big girl, I can take it. I guess this isn't typically the sort of thing that I'm "never more wrong" about. If I've "never been more wrong," it's usually pertaining to people; for example, if I ridiculously judged someone and it turns out, they aren't nearly the bitch I thought they were, I've never been more wrong; if I thought they were such a fun person to hang out with after hangout #2, and they turned completely crazy during hangout #3, I've never been more wrong; Lastly, if I meet someone and suddenly "I just know this feels right," 9 times out of 10, I've never been more wrong.

I've always been one to believe in that whole "when you know, you just know" thing. However, until (somewhat) recently, I've never actually experienced just knowing when someone or something feels right. Once you have it happen to you, you realize that it really IS possible. It's possible to finally understand your own feelings and know exactly what you want to come of them- no confusion. It's finally possible to tell the difference between what you wish were real feelings, what's only real because it's convenient, and what is actually real. I know I've felt the opposite end of the spectrum... like when you know something is just off; there's maybe one little thing you can't quite put your finger on that always holds you back a bit from giving someone your all and stuff gets blurry and confusing, and then it just ends. But when you just know it feels right, it's as simple as that. No complications, just rightness.

Now, the catch...because, there's always a catch when something is too good to be true. Well, that's exactly what it is sometimes: too good to be true. See, what they don't tell you about the "when you know, you just know" concept is that sometimes, when you think you know, you've never been more wrong. Apparently, that's been my experience. I know I said 9 times out of 10 I'm so wrong about this. But the truth is, I'm currently 1 for 1. I'm not even lucky enough to have experienced this 10 times. Or 9 times. Just once. And to top it all off, I just happen to be wrong. 

This situation has caused me to look back on my previous relationships. Am I in denial about the number of times I "just knew?" Am I giving this situation way too much credit? Maybe it's because I was too young to care about what truly felt off in the past, maybe I was less self-aware and didn't know what I wanted, or maybe I was more (even more than now) cynical at the time, but I think I can safely say that I never felt the rightness with them for one reason or another. Ah, the things you come to realize...

Anyways, all of this reflecting has taught me something. It's that finding what feels right and going with it, despite shitty timing and anything else or anyone else, is the bees-knees, man. If we were doing the hokey-pokey, I'd say that's what it's all about. Sometimes the situation is so wrong, and in fact, it's quite possibly the complete opposite of what you thought you wanted, but that's the best part. It's so wrong that it's right. 

With that said, if there's anything good to come from me having "never been more wrong" than I am right now, it's that now I can at least say I know what feels right. Things might not have panned out the way I would have hoped, and they may have been cut short or will remain unfinished until further notice. However, this has taught me that even when I'm wrong about someone or something, it doesn't change the fact that, for whatever it's worth, so far in My So-Called Life, nothing has felt nearly as right. You gotta start somewhere I guess.