Thought Catalog Copycat: 33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

In case you can't tell from my Facebook activity, I'm what one would call a "Thought Catalog regular." If I could score free drinks, or at least some kind of hook-up, and request my favorite writer every time I visited Thought Catalog, I definitely would. I'd be one of those people that felt obligated to leave a sweet ass tip because I'm in so often. Unfortunately, Thought Catalog is already a free gig, and, what's even more unfortunate, you can't get any alcoholic beverages through the web site (I think I just invented something...).

Anyway, my point is this: Sometimes I read an article on Thought Catalog, and then I curse myself up and down because I WANT to write about that! Or I wish I WROTE that exact article because it's amazingly spot on to something I'm going through myself and, not to mention, it's written extremely well. But some other overly emotional, overly analytical, and just the right amount witty writer beat me to it. The best part is, they probably used way less four-letter words than I would have, had I written the article in the first place. Fuck.

With that being said, I decided to take one of my favorite Thought Catalog articles I found back in the day (or in July) and remake it for myself. Originally by Jason Cook, "33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me" is one of my favorites because it's basically a dating-disclaimer that every single person should be required to complete before getting wifed up again. I'm aware 33 things is quite a lot, and I'm going to have to be very self-indulgent during my time writing this. But after all, this is MY disclaimer; it's only natural to be selfish. Please be warned.

33 Things You Should Know Before Dating Me

1. I'm not a guarded person. And by that, I mean I will express my feelings on a regular basis.
2. Romantic comedies have ruined me. Yet, they've given me so much hope, it ain't even funny.
3. I have a Justin Bieber toothbrush that sings to me every morning. THANKFULLY.
4. I don't need to be spoiled with material things, but I could never date a cheap ass.
5. I NEED a great mix of structure and spontaneity in my life. I think too much of one or the other will only be detrimental.
6. I'm a smart ass. I can give it, and I can take it. In fact, I prefer someone that gives me a little shit sometimes. Playfully pick a fight with me. Please?
7. In relationships, I demand attention. If I don't feel special, what's the point? 
8. I will treat you amazing. I'm loyal, honest, and pretty thoughtful, if I do say so myself. 
9. I'm a bit of a dreamer. I think of new shit to do every day and only carry out like 2% of those things because the rest are simply not doable at this point in time. :\
10. I don't have a "3 date" rule or anything like that. I go with my feelings and that's all there is to it.
11. I completely believe you know love when you see it. I'm a total sucker for when you know, you know.
12. I'm a family-oriented person. You could expect to meet them and be intensely judged by them. KIDDING. But they are so important to me.
13. I sing in the shower. And in the car. And while I'm running. There is hardly a time when I'm not either listening to music or singing and dancing to something.
14. I'd probably embarrass the hell out of you with my laughing fits. 
15. I'm extremely ticklish. I go into survival mode when I'm being tickled and the chances of me kicking you are very high. 
16. I rarely cook. I would like to, but groceries are expensive and going out to eat with someone is always more fun.
17. I'm kind of a clean freak. 
18. I will typically wear whatever I want, even if you hate it. 
19. If I wear the same thing twice while we are dating, I've given up trying to impress you. Either that, or I'm no longer impressed by you...
20. Some of my toe nails are really fucked up from playing soccer... I'm sorry, that's gross, I realize. But it's something you should know in case you have some creepy foot fetish or something. 
21. Laundry is my least favorite chore.
22. If you find me sick and want to be sweet, I love Diet Pepsi, Gardetto's and flowers. 
23. I drive on E way more often than I should. 
24. REALLY want to get the in? Be rough in sex, and then lay in bed and play for as long as you can afterward. Literally the best of both worlds. 
25. I'm not religious. I can hold a conversation about it, but it's not my topic of choice.
26. I can't sleep in. If you sleep in all of the time, I'd probably just start to annoy the shit out of you because I will talk your ear off before you've been given the chance to hit the snooze button.
27. I'm not a fighter, but if I'm really into you, I'll try to work things out- to a fault, actually. I'm also a strong believer that you'd fight for me if you wanted me. 
28. I'm a typical lesbian. I can't wait to see you, hang out with you, talk to you any way I possibly can. However, I'm NOT the lesbian that will move in with you after a month. I'm committed, but not crazy.
29. I control my jealousy hardcore. I think it's the worst feeling anyone could feel. I refuse.
30. I hate playing games. If you really wanted to be with someone, you wouldn't be screwing with them. It's as simple as that. When you meet that person and you aren't ready, you're suddenly ready. When the timing is bad, it's suddenly perfect. There's no excuses for leaving me besides you didn't want to stay. If you aren't at this point in your life, we will not work. Period.
31. I'm pro being Facebook official. I'd love to brag about you online to my friends. 
32. I will most likely write about feelings I have for you/love/relationships for the rest of my life. These are things I love to write about. 
33. I'd date me. That's very telling, wouldn't you say?