40 Excuses to Drink

I have had some form of alcohol everyday for 14 days. Only one of those times did I actually consume enough alcohol to be intoxicated. Other times, maybe 2 beers here, a glass of wine there. Nothing crazy. As if that makes it okay to drink so often.

You should know, this has not been intentional. I'm not trying to break any self-obtained records. However, if there was an Olympic event involving alcohol, I could probably hold my own. If you'd care to join me in my alcoholicness, here's some easy excuses to throw one (or some) back.

Drink because...

1. it's Sunday Funday! Or, it's any other day, as well!

2. sometimes, life is rough, man.

3. you just got dumped.

4. you just got asked on a date by someone that's way too good looking for you. Let's celebrate!

5. it's your birthday!

6. it's someone's birthday, somewhere. It has to be.

7. you had a rough day at work.

8. you had an AWESOME DAY AT WORK!!

9. someone you wish would talk to you, simply isn't. I'll drink to that.

10. you don't have anything else to do.

11. it's way too hot to be outside, so you cool down inside with a drink.

12. being buzzed is way more fun than not being buzzed.

13. you miss someone.

14. you are wondering if someone misses you. Drink another one! The alcohol will tell you.

15. you just got new shoes?? 

16. you're in a room full of married people and their obnoxious children.

17. you're on a first date, and there's no spark whatsoever. There IS a full-bar, though. Winning!

18. it's the only way to make it through a work-week.

19. you are too lazy to go running.

20. you just found out your ex is engaged.

21. two of your Facebook friends just broke up. You were rooting for them, damnit! Nobody makes it anymore.

22. that perfect couple you like to stalk online just got even more perfect.

23. you live alone, and unless you're under the influence, it's fucking scary sometimes.

24. it's laundry day.

25. the sun is shining & it's 100 degrees! Or because it's raining for the first time in months! Whichever!

26. I'm watching The Strangers and Liv Tyler runs really funny. Not only that, but the fact that whatever is happening in that movie isn't happening to you is a damn good excuse to drink your ass off. Jesus, it's creepy.

27. you want a new job.

28. you would love to move, but have zero reason to.

29. you're going to get laid tonight.

30. you are nowhere near getting laid tonight.

31. you only live once.

32. it's the freakin' weekend, you about to have you some fun.

33. the radio keeps playing that second Carly Rae Jepsen song, and it's not NEARLY as fun as Call Me Maybe.

34. you're watching Titanic. [READ: Stay clear of wine, or any substances known to make you emotional with this one!]

35. you need an excuse to text/call/email/tweet/Facebook someone you're too scared to talk to sober. 

36. there's no Gmail recall button.

37. you're a fucking baller and can afford to!

38. a billion people do not love you like you love them.

39. SOMEONE will :)

40. Kohl's is having a sale. (What? In case all of the 39 other excuses didn't pertain to you!)

So, pick an excuse, and drink up, bitches. You're welcome.