Feelings > Signs

I’ve been told by a lot of people in my life that I am “very emotionally driven.” I'm assuming by this, they mean that I am a human being, and I have feelings. Because I am, and I do. I wouldn’t call myself impulsive, even though I have been known to act that way from time to time. I definitely wouldn’t call myself 100% logical, either, because apparently, the only time I’m logical is when it’s logical for me to be a giant ball of hyped up emotions. I guess that brings me back to square one: being emotionally driven.

The idea that I am so emotionally driven to do things got me thinking. What are other people like and how are they driven to do the things they do? I would imagine that there are a lot of things that can motivate someone and determine how they live their life. Some people are driven by money, their careers, what they are passionate about, and what they think will get them where they are wanting to go. And others are driven by signs, and the workings of fate. They take everything they feel and hide it behind little notions here and there that, they believe, are like a GPS of their life, providing the navigation from point A to point B. Never mind what those destinations may be, it was a sign that this was their journey, and they are on their way. This could just be me being overly emotional and all, but I would place bets that this person is most discontent of all of us, and I would even go so far as to raise them my emotions on this hand, as well. I might be bluffing, but you’d never know with this poker face.

I used to be a huge believer in signs. I'm still a huge believer that things work out as they are supposed to, eventually. But recently, my point of view on signs and fate has changed. Now, I only look for signs when I need to utilize my last lifeline on a million dollar question. As a last resort, if you will. This change of heart was derived from the fact that basing my life around signs is far riskier than anything I prefer to dabble in, and not to mention, it's kind of a cop out for not knowing what you want..."I don't know what I want right now, but I see a cow, so I must want milk." With that said, I continue to believe in recognizing red flags. I mean, if the person you are with hasn’t returned any phone calls, texts, tweets, or emails in three weeks, and you stumble across pictures of them on Facebook (when you were not creeping on their page, by the way) drunkenly mackin’ on some broad, seemingly having the time of their life, then obviously, yes. You should take that as a sign that you are probably single now (and the person you were with is a complete ass). But otherwise, signs are not automatic beckoning’s from the heavens, ordering you to make drastic life changes and forcing you to throw everything you were going for in reverse in order to comply.

Following every sign you think you see and leaving your life up to chance does not go hand-in-hand with happiness. I think there are tons of things that just naturally fit together in perfect harmony in this world. Peas and a pod. Peanut butter and jelly. Cory and Topanga. Katy Perry and 3D boobs (notice I didn’t say anything about Katy Perry and singing). Feelings and living the life you want, just like Blake Lively and white-trashy female roles in movies, go hand-in-hand. But living a life you want to live, and signs, do not necessarily go together.

If I lived my life based purely on signs, I’d be even more indecisive than I am right now; always searching for a sign to tell me where to go, what to do, who to do, etc. The same goes for feelings and emotions. I may be emotionally driven, but I have to be logical, too. That whole “follow your heart and take your brain with you” thing is not just words typed onto a picture of Drake for 15,678 people to ‘like.’ I’m certain that it has true meaning, and I’m also certain that Drake didn’t say that…

My friend put it to me best: People that are constantly looking for signs are going to see what they want to see, and then they will say a sign is what they saw. EVERYTHING could be seen as a sign of SOMETHING. That’s why I have my feelings and emotions to guide me. In relationships, it’s simple really. I make decisions based on how I’m feeling about someone. Once I’ve made the decision to commit to that one person, the only thing changing my mind is a change in my feelings. Not the signs I see. I refuse to let external sources be the death of a decision I so strongly made by myself or with another person. Just because I might be out on the town, and the DJ decides to throw down on a track and it happens to be the one song that reminds me of a past love, that doesn’t mean I am fleeing the scene and running away to find them. If I did, that would be very Impulsive Erica of me. However, hearing that song could send some massive feeling through me, yelling at me that I made a huge mistake, shaking me with the thought of how I miss that person like crazy, and begging me to think on this very hard and maybe even do something about it. Now, if that’s the case, then I will do just that.

I don’t want to let myself act on the signs I see. I want to act on the feelings I feel, because you can’t get more real than a feeling. Feelings are what keep us afloat when we don’t even know what we are floating for anymore. No matter how you live your life, you can’t deny that the way we feel is all we really know about ourselves. Why would we want anything else making decisions for us?