15 Effing Great Symptoms of Singledom

I've been single for almost six months now (but who's counting) and I have to say... Being single right now, at this point in my life, is not at all a bad thing. Not what you expected to hear, I'm sure. Of course, if I was married with children, maybe I'd be defending that lifestyle, instead. However, I am in no way married and I, in no way, have mini-me's skipping about town. Therefore, singledom is what I have, and, let me tell ya, it is effing great. At least for the time being. I won't promise you that I will enjoy these things forever. Eventually, I know I'd enjoy the opposite of these things, actually. But all we have is today, right? Here's why being single doesn't suck.

1. This song becomes your mantra, and it's all good because, obviously, Jason Derulo enjoys being single, so why wouldn't you?

2. Your money is ALL your money. No longer are the days when you have to pay for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get wasted, to eat, to get into the movies, or to go halfsies on a really overpriced anniversary gift for your "future in-laws." Barf. Anyways, what's yours is yours. And it's a magical thing.

3. You can do whatever the hell you want to do with yourself. If you want to go out on the town with that really obnoxious friend of yours, you can do so without a significant other complaining in your ear the entire time. If you want to go three days without showering, you can (although, I don't recommend it). If you want to get wasted and dirty dance with the creeper across the bar, that creeper is ALL yours. Do whatever you want to do. The possibilities are endless.

4. You have free rein on your bed. The 4376732 pillows on your bed are all yours. Don't worry about hogging the blankets, or, God forbid, someone else hogging your blankets. The teddy bear is there only for your enjoyment (Okay, that's probably just my teddy bear...). The bed is yours, man. You want to sprawl out in the middle? Fucking do it!

5. Being single is the one and only time that a booty call is allowed. I'm not advising you to be a whore. Please don't confuse the two. Instead, pick one booty call, and call that one every single time. That's way less whorish of you. Or don't do that. Whatev. You're single, remember?!

6. Renting a movie has never been easier. "Erica, what do you want to rent tonight?" "Oh, I don't know, Erica, what do you want to rent?" "Another romantic comedy?" "Those are my favorite!" It's so easy! I swear I'm not crazy...

7. Speaking of romantic comedies. Every single one you watch will give you new hope that the next date you go on will lead you to the one. The one that lights a fire under your ass to take on the world together, the one that makes you forget the wrong ones, or the one that makes some grand romantic gesture to express how amazing you are. It's just a hope. But a hope has got to be better than no hope.

8. You learn a lot about yourself while you are single. You figure out what you want to do when you can do anything at all. For example, I had no idea until recently, but I apparently REALLY enjoy sitting at home alone on weekend nights watching "You Got Served," drinking my PBR every time someone dances, or when a guy wears a hat. That's correct, I am a sucker for solo drinking games. This is crucial information to know about oneself. If I had a significant other, I probably would have been too busy banging to discover this about myself. 

9. The only family gatherings you have to attend are your own. When your hoosier aunt asks you why you are single, tell her it's because you got tired of having to share your bath salts. That should give her something else to talk about. 

10. Making plans requires no one else but you. That whole "let me check with my lover" before you commit to something or before you RSVP to a Facebook invite is out the window. You can make your own decisions! You're a big kid now! 

11. Suddenly, everyone else's love life becomes a lot more interesting. Your own love life is no longer all-consuming. You have spare room in your head to give two shits about other people. It's a rude awakening how selfish you've clearly been once you get to this point, but you're aware now. It won't happen again. 

12. You realize that you DO have friends! When some people are in relationships, they tend to forget that they have friends because, as the song goes, all you need is love. Boy, were The Beatles wrong. Yes, I just said The Beatles were freaking wrong. Love is not all you need. You need a lot of things, actually. Friends being a huge one. Don't lose track of them.

13. More drawer space. Anyone that stays the night with you these days must take all of their belongings with them as they depart. No exceptions. Not to mention, anything you've ever gotten from your exes, or anything they left behind, will most likely be packed up in a Rubbermaid tote and stored in the basement. You don't need reminders, but you do need room for your "I'm single, bitches!" wardrobe.

14. There is no one to let you down. Those expectations you would have of your hypothetical significant other are, clearly, hypothetical. Rest easy, my single friend. Your hypothetical lover will call when they said they will, will not eye-fuck the shit out of the hot bartender, or anyone else besides you, for that matter, and they will send you flowers- even when they didn't completely screw up. 

15. You don't have to meet anyone else's expectations, either. The only standards you need to meet right now are your own. You can use your singledom to get your shit together so that when you do find the person who wants to share every waking second of their life with you, you'll be someone worth sharing it with. 

"There's something to be said for being single."

(words of wisdom from my amazing co-worker that's been happily married for 12 years as of this week. haha)  :)