A History Lesson in Ending Up With Me

There's a saying we've all probably heard a time or two in our lives:

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." 

This saying dates all the way back to the mid-1800's. Crazy, I know! Now, I'm by no means a history buff. But if something has been around that long, it's most likely for a reason, right? At least I would think so. When I think about this loved and lost bullshit, (apparently) cynical Erica rears her ugly head and I think to myself "who the fuck in their right mind wants to lose someone they love so they can say they've at least loved?!" That sounds completely absurd to someone such as myself. However, over time I think I've come to realize the REASONING behind that little diddy. Just like everything else in this thing we call life, it's to teach us shit. We are always supposed to be learning, in case you haven't figured this out yet. (You're welcome). But I think what some wise person back in the day was trying to say was it's better to have loved and lost because even though you lost something, and even though that's reeeeally effing hard to cope with, chances are, you learned SO MUCH from that person you loved and lost.

I've definitely done my fair share of learning lately. More specifically, I've learned so many things that I would say if I could tell the person that I ultimately end up with (that lucky bastard!) everything they will ever need to know about - you guessed it - ending up with me. More than anything, my lessons learned from the most important relationships in my life are the inspiration for this serious and totally legitimate nonsense. But please don't laugh when I tell you that the things I want to tell this wonderful, exciting, extremely good looking person all boil down to one thing: Don't go. I say this in the nicest, most sincere and most loving way possible. You'll see what I mean.

There will always be times when we dislike each other. I think it's totally normal for us to be all "I love you, but I don't have to like you right now" on each other. When you spend an obscene amount of time with one person, you share everything under the sun, and you absolutely have to consider their feelings in practically all of your life choices (have I told you why I'm single these days?), you are bound to dislike each other here and there. But don't go. We can work through that stuff because make-up sex is the best kind of sex (but only after I've had days to get over it). Am I right or am I right? There will always be times when we dislike each other, but please don't go.

I will love my family and ask you to do way too much with them. I don't know what it is about the parents. I tend to be very awkward and timid, and that's not me at all. It could be because I know how much the opinions of MY family members matter to me, so I want to make a good impression on YOUR family, too, in case you are crazy like me and happen to value the opinions of your own family. Family is my everything, so you will totally get annoyed by them randomly popping in at our house, or how we still celebrate birthdays with presents, cake and ice cream even though we are all old as hell, and we have Sunday dinner many weeks at my parents house. Not to mention our annual family vacation where we pile as many people as we can into a 2-bedroom condo at the Lake of the damn Ozarks (yes, again). I get that it can be a lot to walk into. But please don't go. I will gladly go to your family dinners, on your family vacays and anything else that you want to drag me to. I will love my family and ask you to do way too much with them, but please don't go.

At times, I'll be moody, overwhelming, and stubborn. What? Judgey, judgey. Don't lie, you will be all of those things, too, damnit. EVERYONE is all of those things at times, we are only human after all. But the good news is I don't hold grudges and I can laugh at the drop of a dime, so please don't go. I might be flawed, but I am laid back and I have a sense of humor to boot. Just smack my ass or ask me to pull your finger, and voila! MoodyoverwhelmingstubbornErica no more. Sometimes, I will hold on to us so tight that you will feel like you need to come up for air every 12 seconds, but it's not because I want to overwhelm you (even though I'm aware that's exactly what I do). It's because I am too scared to underwhelm you. With that said, please don't go.

There will always, always, ALWAYS be other people. Girls, guys, old friends, new friends, exes, families, blah blah blah. The list of people in our lives will always be large and in charge. I will most likely always be uncomfortable with you spending quality time with an ex, or with someone who doesn't respect me, you, and/or me and you. You can bet your ass I will tell you when I'm uncomfortable, as communication is my forte. I won't say it to be mean, I will say it so we can acknowledge it, fix it and move on. I will make every effort in the world to be prominent in the lives of the people that are most important to you. People and relationships are what life is all about. But what I would say to my special someone is don't go. I know other people will sometimes seem to be better than me, or a lifestyle with someone else might seem more appealing than ours from first glances - I'm no stranger to that whole 'the grass is greener on the other side' thing. But trust me, I will shit all over that grass if I have to if it means you will let me keep you. Let's make a conscious decision to be with each other, and only each other, and then let other decisions involving other people stem from this. There will always be other people, but think of me, and please don't go.

When you say something to me, I will believe you. Mind you, my girl-like instincts are like my gaydar- TOP FREAKING NOTCH. Moral of the story, don't tell me something unless you mean it whole heartedly because I will believe you. If I don't believe you, it's because I ALREADY KNOW you're not being honest. I have superb instincts, I got them from several unpleasant and unfortunate situations, but by God I am grateful because when my gut tells me something, my gut is spot on. Just be honest with me and I will be honest with you, but please don't go.

Nothing will ever be perfect. In fact, I'm absolutely positive that some times will be downright miserable, horrific and shitty as hell. It just happens, man. There will be times when you left water on the bathroom sink and I will call you expletives in my head. There will be times when I talk during my yawn and you will HATE that so much that you want to punch me square in the face. Those are the small things, though. There will be HUGE things, too. Like when one of us has to cut ties with friends that are no good for us now. There will be problems at work that get taken home with us even though we know so well that they shouldn't. There will be deaths - there will be coping with hard ass things. There will be stresses of everyday life, because, even though you will be one of the most important things in my life and I in yours, we won't be the only things in each others lives. It will never be perfect, and it will be really hard, but please don't go.

Please don't go. 

A Lifehack in Learning

If you follow my blog, you might know that I haven't posted a single thing that I've written since August 24, 2013. That's almost three entire months of writing and never posting. It's not because I was being lazy (although I've definitely been lazier than usual these days), and it's not because what I'm writing means zilch to me (I realize zilch to me and zilch to you are probably much different...). I haven't posted a single thing I've written lately because I've come to find out that the shit that I write has consequences, no matter how truthful, honest and upfront it may be.

Don't get me wrong. I am not an immature teenager, I realize the things I do and say have consequences. This isn't a new concept to me. But it's almost as though people would prefer I write a complete lie if it meant it was going to save someone from feeling hurt from the truth. And, unfortunately, I am not capable of writing lies - not on my blog, not in my journal, not on my Facebook, and not even on someone else's Facebook. I am just not at all capable of sugar coating things. I'm a "give it to you straight" type of girl. I'm sorry, in between all this seriousness I had to make a lesbian joke. It wouldn't be my writing without one.

Honestly. I don't know how Taylor Swift lives with herself day in and day out. I mean, my blog of emotions has 100% less reach than her worldwide singles, and if she has no guilty conscious about the things that she's written, even if what's his face was ACTUALLY trouble when he walked in, then the girl is WAY LESS of a saint than we've painted her as. She's more evil than I am, if that's the case. I get that millions of dollars and a shit ton of fame probably serve her better than my current sitch, but still. Anyway, I digress...

What this has all boiled down to for me (I can't speak for TSwift) is that no matter how honest you are, it's really easy to look at yourself and feel guilty for what YOU'VE done (or written). Even if the person you were totally honest about did something that you deem worse, and more hurtful, it's still going to be easier to be hard on yourself for whatever mistake(s) you've made. But I guess that's the point of making mistakes - to learn from it all and try to not fucking do it all over again, right?

One could be nice to their self and justify this guilt with the fact that they are at least self aware. I recognize my mistakes and I see my pitfalls, my weaknesses and my complete and utter failures, okay? I. GET. IT. I see where I've effed up, at least. I have effed up amidst my efforts to try to finally show others where THEY HAVE effed up. But I guess therein lies the biggest mistake of all. I thought for a minute (or for years, rather, but that's neither here nor there) that with my words, I could finally really show someone how THEY have made a mistake. I thought that anything I had to say would be able to finally prove to them that the way they are is not how someone should be. As if my words would finally shed some light on their lifestyle and how shitty I think it is that they act a certain way. My mistake was trying to be that person that would make them want to change.

This was all a huge mistake because, as we all know, no one can change someone. THEY have to be able to change themselves. If they aren't happy, only they know what will make them happy. If they aren't secure in themselves, only they have the ability to figure that out. If they need to constantly run from things, they will most likely continue to run until they figure out why they run in the first place. Only they can change their self. As much as I would love to stick it to them hard with my witty and clever words, as much as I'd love for ME to be the girl that makes a person want to be different and better, me, myself and my words will never be able to do that.

What I say is the truth. Maybe I should have done this a long time ago, probably before I decided to make my innermost angsty emotions a publicly accessible forum and call everyone out that I thought deserved it (secretly, though. I mean, I give myself mad fucking props for the anonymity of the writing. GO ME!)...but I must apologize for being honest even though I know it hurts where the sun don't shine. I'm aware that while my words might not be any more important than the next guys, they are just as hurtful. However, I can assure you that a LIE would be even worse. Maybe not right this second, maybe not tomorrow, but let me tell you from personal experience, that a painful truth is not nearly as hurtful as a lie.

(Now... I get that some of you might be saying "then don't write anything at all..." and all I have to say to that is fuck off, smartass).  :D

Anyway, maybe all of this is perfectly okay. I can see where people thrive on being this person that MAKES other people want to be different and better. But maybe that theory is completely overrated. Maybe I don't need someone that needs ME to call them out when they are being immature and, for lack of a better term, a dick. Maybe what I need is someone that can also recognize their faults and their mistakes and change on their own because of them. Not someone that continues to do the same shitty things over and over and OVER again. I feel the guilt and the consequences from my mistakes and I've learned from them. I know I will make others and I will continue to learn from those, too. At least I sure the shit hope I can keep this up. I guess I will wait it out for someone else who has this little lifehack down pat, as well.

Actions and Words and Loud Speaking

If you would have asked me a year or two ago, I would have totally been like "Oh, actions speak louder than words, and you're saying this and doing that so either act louder or quiet the eff up."

Basically.

Whoever trademarked actions speak louder than words was not only probably extremely gullible, but I imagine they went their entire life ignoring what people said and only watching what people did. Unlike my one-to-two-year-old self, I'm no longer sold on the idea that actions speak louder than words. Instead, I prefer to obtain the healthiest balance possible.

Why does one thing have to be louder than something else, anyway? Why can't actions and words have the same value? I mean, if I was dating some extra hot girl, and she acted like she was all into me all the time by sending me beautiful flowers, and buying me fancy din dins, but every word out of her mouth was "I hardcore dislike your big ass. And I definitely despise the way you laugh." I mean...But her actions are speaking louder, right???? NO. But if she acts like she likes me, and she talks like she likes me, she most likely likes me. Like like like.

All I'm trying to say is in a real, and real healthy, relationship, a good balance is what works wonders. Of course, it would be AH-mazing if people could always act and speak in a coordinating manner, as to avoid all confusion. But, we are only human, and with that, we inevitably suck at relationships. So, that just can't happen. For the most part, we should be able to know how we feel. Then, we can 1) express how we feel (SAY WORDS) and 2) actually LIVE in a way that backs up what we say (ACTIONS). If there is ever a gap in what we say and what we actually do, then there's bound to be major problems. Because, well fuck, that's just confusing and annoying and ain't nobody got time for that.

So, here's to us human beings. Speakin' loud and actin' loud and coordinating the shit out of those two things so they actually make sense.

Besides, if actions REALLY spoke louder than words, people would charade their way through their wedding vows. And I can't stand charades, but I love weddings. That just won't work for me.

You're welcome.

One of the Many Fine Lines in Relationships

The fine line in question here: The fine line between a significant other that challenges you and a significant other that competes with you.

My bottom line opinion (don't you know, telling you my opinion and why it's the right one is the biggest perk to having a blog): The person you're dating, and even more so, the person you are in a full-blown relationship with, should not be competing with you. However, someone that challenges you in relationships can be a great and exciting thing.

Here's the thing. If someone is constantly trying to one-up you, and they are tearing you down any chance they get, chances are you're still in high school and that person is your bitchy best friend that you won't have shit to do with once college comes around (I mean, not that I know by experience or anything). OR, worst case scenario, this person is your significant other. Chances are, this person competing with you is not someone that's in love with you. There's some underlying issue at hand when your significant other finds it difficult to be HAPPY for you when you deserve it. Whether it's a personal issue, or some resentment they have built up for you... regardless. It's not a healthy thing whatsoever in a relationship to be so competitive with your bitches that you would rather see them fail than succeed.

Where's this all coming from, you might ask? Let me tell you. It stems from a relationship where one party thinks that her style is waaaaay cooler than that of the other party; it stems from a relationship where one party is scared that having "mutual" friends will actually mean she'd be losing some, or that she'd have to share; it stems from a relationship where alllllll one party wants is a little support during her first 5K, and alllllll she gets is a glance back from half a mile ahead, and a speed increase so it becomes impossible to catch up.

That whole "don't walk in front of me, don't walk behind me" bullshit most likely came from this EXACT situation. It all started because one lesbian wanted another lesbian to run by her side during her first 5K. Instead, she got someone that seemed to want to beat her ass in the race more than support her while she almost died finishing it (a bit of an exaggeration, but hey, look here! Some people are way out of shape, Jack!).

A significant other that challenges you, on the other hand, is fabulous in my eyes! By challenge, I don't mean they disagree with every single statement you've ever made just because they can, and I don't mean they contradict your every thought because, heaven forbid, you ever be RIGHT. I mean that they think differently than you; They open your eyes to new things that you might find hard to fully grasp. They show you things that you're missing - either for your eyes to see, or for your mind to see. They challenge you by having their own minds, their own opinions, and their own sense of self, all the while being completely open to you and yours. 

I realize my definition of someone that challenges you is probably more along the lines a fairy tale prince(ss) challenger and it might be hard to come by in real life. But if situations were perfect, this is how I imagine they'd be. 

Perfect, fairy tale situation or not. A nice challenge to your point of view, or the ability to show you something you may not ever think of, is always a refreshing thing from someone you love. It keeps you on your toes, and if nothing else, I'd think it would help you appreciate the person you have by your side even more.

The lesson to take away from this: If you find yourself competing with your significant other, stop and think about WHY you're doing this. Are you jealous of them? Resenting them for something? Just wish they'd stop being so fucking amazing? It happens. But it's YOUR significant other. Would you want anything less than an amazing significant other? No. You want the god damn BEST person for yourself, and for them. Support them. Challenge them in healthy ways. Be there to watch them succeed, and help them up when they don't. If you don't do it, someone else will.

The Do's and Don'ts of Being Attractive

As you know, being on the prowl can be BRUTAL. Knowing the correct things to do, say, text, email, tweet, and 'Like' can be not only impossible, but definitely exhausting. If you're like me and tend to overanalyze/think every single thing. Although, I must admit that I've chilled out a shit ton from even just a few years ago when it comes to getting my panties in a wad analyzing every little thing. It's amazing what love and loss and can do to a gal. Sigh.

If you want the short and sweet version, or the Do's and Don'ts rather, of, well, basically, being attractive... or to NOT be so superficial about things, being a person of legitimate quality that someone completely wonderful will want all of one day, look no further, my friend. Twentysomething blogger that likes to thrust her opinions upon any reader she can to the rescue!

The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Person of Legitimate Quality AKA Being Attractive

DON'T be lazy. Laziness is not hot. Period. Have a little gumption, why don't you!? Yes, a work ethic is always an important factor, but even further than that, how about a FUN ethic? Why isn't that a thing? Know how to have a good time when your work day ends. WOOHOO, so you can bust your ass at a job all week and make a little money. Big fucking deal. Anyone that wants anything slightly good out of their life has to do that, too. Just like every other adult, I work the bare minimum 40-hours a week, I work out daily, I manage to go out here and there, I plan get togethers, spend a bunch of time with my family, and somehow, through all of this, I even manage time to shave my vagina. Pretty impressive, eh? All I'm saying here is even though you have a job, don't let that consume you. Don't be lazy. Have fun, plan things, go places, make new friends and actually DO things with them. Don't get so content that you amount to someone that works, sleeps, and eats. 

DO be honest. Positive honesty, or negative honesty, honesty is always the answer. The fucking Goddess of Love wasn't joking around when she said that trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship (I'm not ACTUALLY sure that she ever mentioned trust, but I mean, she should've). Trust is the LAST thing that needs to go on a back-burner in terms of relationships. If you can't be trusted, or trust the person you're with, what kind of person will you amount to, and what kind of relationship will you ever be capable of having? 

DON'T do drugs. Just say no to dope. Zack Morris said so.

DO laugh. It shows that you aren't too cool, and that you aren't too serious. Laugh at yourself, laugh at other people, make light of any situation and laugh at anything you can. People love making other people laugh, and let's be honest, laughing is much better than crying. If you were a person that someone could only stay mad at for like five minutes, because it only takes you that long to make them laugh again, no one would ever be mad at you for longer than five minutes. Think about it. Sometimes the best thing you can do in life is laugh, even when nothing at all is funny. :)

DON'T be afraid to make grand gestures. If you follow this blog (or if you've ever read ANY of them...) you probably know that, if grand gestures had a fan club, I would be the damn President of that ish! I'm all about showing how you feel, no matter what it pertains to. Go big or go home. Money is no object (......). It's so exciting! And eventful! People NEED excitement in their life, and if you are someone's #1, or if you want to be, you need to be the sole source of their excitement. If you aren't showing someone how you feel, in the biggest, best way you know how, as often as possible, they're going to assume you don't want to. And there's nothing exciting about that.

DO stick up for yourself. You know what you need, at least a good majority of the time you do. It might take some trial and error, but you eventually get it right. Once you do, don't give that up. One of the sexiest things in the WORLD is someone that knows what's good for them, and they aren't afraid to be upfront about it. If someone doesn't respect your need for attention, or your need for your space and your independentness, they don't deserve you. You need someone that can handle YOU, and that entails ALL of you, and EVERY thing YOU stand for, need, and desire. Someone will be up for that challenge because it will all be worth it to them.

DON'T back out on your word. Compromise is a bitch. We all know this. If humans were born with the skill of compromising, we'd exit the womb with a ring on our finger and a significant other up our asshole. Seriously. THEY made it this difficult to teach us shit. We have to learn to do all of these things the right way before something finally sticks for us. Don't bail, don't be selfish, be flexible when needed, do something that's important to someone else simply BECAUSE it's important to them. They'll love you for it. 

DO what's best for you. :) What's supposed to happen will happen regardless. 

What I Tell Those That Are Younger Than Me About Money

It's the root of all evil. Right? That's how the saying goes, anyway. And I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY AGREE. I know, I know. That might make me more of an AWFUL person than it does anything half-way positive, but hey, it is what it is.

I'm not irresponsible. Let's get that out there, first and foremost. I've never been a huge saver, nor have I been one to blow my money on useless, needless, way-out-of-my-means material things. I own my own home. That makes me legit, right? I despise purchasing electronic things - which is evident by my 1950's-ness 19-inch television currently tackin' up my cute living room. Electronics are expensive. I don't find those purchases fun whatsoever. (But, I love electronic GIFTS! Those are *free!*) Even outside of electronics, I somehow refrain from over-indulging in my expensive hobbies like crafting, for example. Lord knows, Martha Stuart is somewhere-maybe incarcerated, who knows-laughing at all those middle aged scrapbooking/card-making suckers. I don't allow myself to purchase all of the HOT workout clothes I hunt down, even though I torture myself by seeking it out, staring at it via the Interwebs, then never actually being able to purchase these things (if you know Lululemon, you know what I'm talking about here.) Given these few examples, I think I've proven my exceptional willingness to not blow my wad on unnecessary things. I'm curtsying right now.

With all of that said, I'm no expert on money. I'm a 20something, after all, and if you ask me, it's still OK for me to be a little financially UNsavvy. But the time's a wastin' and soon, I'll wake up a broke 40-year-old if I continue down this destructive path. Alright, that's a little dramatic, and it's really not even close to THAT bad, but still. I'm instilling fright in the youngins, don't ya know.

If ever I'm asked by anyone younger than me, I already prepared a very practical answer for all of their financial inquiries. And if ever I have children of my own (God. Bless. Ed.), I'm already 99 percent certain of what I would tell them. There is a secret to being financially savvy in your twenties. And it is literally one piece of advice: don't go to college.

You might think this is bad advice. Because, well, let's be honest, it's really, really, horrible advice, especially coming from someone that has a Masters degree. It's maybe the shittiest advice a young person in today's world needs to receive. But seriously, college breaks yo' ass. It might not seem like it when you are having the fanciest time of your life and spending that Chase student loan drinking studying abroad somewhere fancy. But trust me in that you have to pay for that fancy 20th bottle of fancy French wine eventually. Fancy.

I'm typically the "it's just money, go big or go home" type, and I absolutely HATE that "I don't have the money" is an acceptable excuse in today's world. I like to do lots of activities. I like concerts, and traveling, and god forbid, I like fucking nice things, man. I don't have cheap taste, and that's a really good thing. Even if my income at the current time doesn't condone this luxurious lifestyle, someday it will and I will LIVE. IT. UP. in every way I know how. But for now, I really just wanted to vent in order to portray my hatred for Chase and the smooth way that student loans manage to throw a rather expensive kink in my snobby taste. Even with my salary-based government job.

In conclusion, if you're young, please disregard my advice above and consider this the revised version: DO go to college. But only if a) your parents are buyin', 2) you are a smart cookie and got a full ride or some shit, or c) you're a drug dealer, dating a sugar daddy you found here, or picking a career that will ACTUALLY make you a substantial amount of money within, let's just say (for no reason whatsoever), 6 months (yep, that's all you got, kids.) of graduation.

Otherwise, catch ya on the broke side, suckas. At least I won't be alone.

Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out

No, this isn't a trick! I know what you're thinking. This cannot possibly be a blog about anything other than relationships/dating/sex/lesbians/monogamy/more relationships/more sex. Alas, my frands, it most certainly is a blog about something else! Hip, hip, HOORAY!

Working out has so many benefits. I think we've all been drilled long enough in our lives to know that we should get our asses to the gym, and get our asses outside, blah, blah, blah. We KNOW working out is great for us. What people sometimes fail to mention is why working out completely fucking sucks for us. But Erica doesn't fail, damn you.

Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out:

1. Close Proximity. When I'm at the gym and I can hear the guy on the treadmill next to me talking to himself more than I can hear AWOLNATION in my ear (my flavor of the week!), the treadmills are too damn close. When I'm gagging from inhaling your cologne, the treadmills are too damn close. Finally, if your sweat is swinging around and I happen to feel it land on my arm, the treadmills are too damn close. Sensing the trend? Sometimes ONE LESS machine in the gym can open up a world of possibilities. We are trying to work out, after all, not get all up on each other.
2. You have to wear clothes. Work out clothes can seriously be some of the most uncomfortable clothes EVER. If they're too tight, too baggy, to restricting, too spandexy (eek), they can be more of hindrance than a help. I feel so strongly about this that I even tweeted @oldnavy tonight while working out letting them know how grateful I was for their workout capris. I know... I'm a social media whore.
3. Results. After you get done with an intense work out, and look in the mirror, and you expect to see Allison Williams, or Zosia Mamet, (or practically anyone on GIRLS besides Lena Dunham), but you still kind of see Lena Dunham. Not that Lena Dunham isn't beautiful, because she most definitely is beautiful. But ol' girl doesn't exactly scream "I work out!" The results take for. ever. and that's no secret. 
4. Not getting to the gym. If you're like me and have a very strict routine that you absolutely need to abide by in order to get shit done, then....let's just say, a 24-hour spell of food poisoning, can throw a giant wrench in your work out routine. Yes, this did just happen to me. Good news is food poisoning does wonders for weight loss...
5. Missing something. How many times have you gotten to the gym, or pulled into the park for a jog, and suddenly realized you left your cell phone at home? Or even worse, your head phones. Shit happens. And this shit is almost impossible to recover from. When I'm music-less on my work outs, good luck getting me to last longer than 20 minutes doing any activity whatsoever. Well... maybe not ANY activity whatsoever... 

Shit. I just made it a blog about sex.

Why "Dating" Sucks Ass

I have always been the relationship type. I have said it a thousand times in this blog, and I will never hesitate to admit again that I have a serious disorder of the one-track mind. I am no good at juggling multiple people. I totally, completely, without a doubt whatsoever, fucking suck at dating. Sure, I love spending time with lots of interesting people, and why, yes, of course, I would love to bang every interesting person I come in contact with (I talk a big talk...). But I have this thing... it's a very difficult concept these days... but I despise the idea of being into more than one person at a time. Not only that, but I also despise when people I AM interested in are seeing me, that hot girl, and that hot girl, and oh, that one, too. I like one person at a time, and, unfortunately, I expect the same. If you want to know why I am the way I am, it's really rather simple: I expect way too much attention to be one of many. I'm not ashamed!

However, even with my own theories and realities when it comes to modern-day dating, I still give mad props to those people that I come across that live to date multiples. Somehow, there are people that manage to simultaneously text two or three prospects, all the while remembering which night is booked with which girl, which girl it was that had that giant love of flowers & which girl was completely allergic to them, and which thing it is that totally turns which girl on. I mean, just thinking about all of that shit makes me want to go to bed and never romanticize about anyone EVER again.

Holidays. In my eyes, the Holidays would be the absolute worst time to be seeing more than one person. Holidays as a typical dater equals even more family get togethers, spending money on even more gifts for everyone you're currently sharing sheets with, and, not to mention, every Saturday in December will consist of ice skating and hot chocolate. I mean, if you want to make it easier on yourself, invite all the chicks you are talking to to go ice skating with you on the same night! GENIUS. You can always just say "I'm going ice skating with a group tonight. I'd love it if you'd join us!" I bet they would have no clue.

You know what else effing sucks titties about dating more than one person at once? Two words. SOCIAL. MEDIA. Although it stinks, you have to admit that social media makes these, Daters of Multiples, we shall call them, even more credit worthy. How the H-E-double hockey sticks does someone not only manage, but actually feel legit about, checking in with Chick #1 on Friday, posting a picture with Chick #2 on Saturday night, and tweeting at Chick #3 when they get home from date night with Chick #2? You still following? Yea, me either! How do THEY follow it?!

If I was a Dater of Multiples committing the acts previously mentioned, I'm almost positive that with some of the Facebook creepers I got all up in my grill all of the time, I would do nothing except answer questions in order to explain myself come Sunday evening. And, if I'm not lucky enough to have friends that ask me questions, I'm almost even more positive that the Facebook-wide assumption would be made that I'm just a slut playin' people like I'm Tech N9ne (...cause I'm a wicked thug and I throw away my ticket stub... don't act like you don't know the jam!)

I know what you're thinking. "This is the whole point of DATING!" Not to be tied down to one person, and having fun with lots of people until you are ready to pick JUST one. But the way I see it, if you are seeing someone that you are seriously interested in, you won't feel the NEED to see other people. In my experience, if there's a hot girl, and I am thoroughly enjoying my time with her, both at dinner and in bed, whhhhhy would I need to do double the work with yet ANOTHER girl?

What can I say? I suppose I'm a minimalist. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to try to maneuver several dates into my alreadyjampackedwithmyownshit schedule. Maybe deep down, I'm seriously jealous that I am not capable of dating 3, 4, 5 people at once.

Unless, of course, those 3, 4, or 5 people are ONLY seeing me. :D

Someone

It's never easy, they say. 

But sometimes, it is.

It's easy to forgive someone for something you never thought would happen.

It's easy to forgive it, twice.

It's easy to feel guilty for no reason whatsoever.

It's easy to let these things go on.

It's easy to want to try to rebuild, start from scratch, get to know someone all over again.

It's easy to believe that the words someone is telling you are true. 

It's easy to believe that their actions are supporting those words, 

Even when you aren't around to see for yourself. 

It's easy to make excuses for someone until you're blue in the face. 

It's easy to let these things go on.

It's easy to want something that you used to know like the back of your hand. 

It's easy to want to be loved like you were when you didn't have to worry. 

It's easy to feel insecure about the same thing, over and over, because it never gets better.

It's easy to have your feelings shamed because the one you're telling them to can't seem to understand.

It's easy to let these things go on.

It's easy to make mistakes.

It's easy to be quick to blame someone else for their mistakes.

It's easy to expect a lot.

It's easy to avoid the difficult questions.

It's easy to ignore the insults.

It's easy to let these things go on.

It's easy, almost the easiest thing in the world, to fall back into an idea of someone. 

It's easy to let the hope that someone has grown up and seen the light make you run toward them at full speed, arms wide open. 

It's easy to be crushed by someone, so much so that you come crumbling down, heart first, twice.

Eventually, it gets easier to let that someone go.

The Theory of Emotional Unavailability

For better or for worse, I've recently become one of those people who is simply going with the flow when it comes to people I'm "talking to" (Someone remind me, when does it become dating again? Who fucking knows, man. "Talking to," it is). Let me be clear; this is, maybe, 50 percent by choice, 50 percent by force. But, if I'm being real here, it's mostly by force. While I am enjoying my singlehood, I'll be the first to admit that there's something a little dysfunctional about going into every new "relationship" with my guard up, not to mention being a self-proclaimed emotionally unavailable person. (So far, it isn't nearly as amazing as it is in Friends with Benefits).

Regardless of my own feelings on a given situation, it seems the people I tend to..... be into, for lack of a better term.... are living by their own agenda. I suppose I can't blame them; I guess we are all living by our own agendas, after all. I've been living by my own agenda for some time now, and I'm finally going to take a hard look at this Unemotional Erica that I've got going on. After kissing many-a-frogs, I became this way because I refuse to fully invest myself in someone who is even slightly uncertain about me... thus, I go with the flow. I do me, and I do a little bit of them, BUT I mostly do me. :D

I can't help but think about what the true meaning of "emotionally unavailable" is. Sure, it's taking things slowly, and feeling it out. It's probably a little less talk and a lot more action (or a little less of both, if you found a REALLY unavailable one; aren't you lucky). But is it taking things slowly just in case something better comes up? Is it just a comforting person that you like to have around, but don't actually see in your future, so there's no need to move at a normal pace? Is it that you are still hung up on an ex and you can't ride two horses with one ass? I mean, now, that's actually super legit. But why bother being a part of any relationship at all if you go into it thinking that all you want is just a tip? Or maybe just an ass-out hug? Maybe I'm fixin' to leave this poor feller blue-balling because I can't manage to go all of the way? Really? Okay, I think that's probably all of the sexual analogies it takes to successfully describe my Theory of Emotional Unavailability. You're followin' now, I'm sure.

You see, I have these things called standards. I quite like them. They make me feel very adult-like, and keep me in check with what it is I am looking for in a significant other. Everyone has standards and expectations. That's how relationships end. Someone, whether it was you or your other half at the time, decided they couldn't stand for something, they weren't pleased with something, you didn't make the cut, or someone else would make the cut much better than you (ouch, sorry). Ultimately, an expectation somewhere along the time was bypassed and therefore, it's now defective.

I may take pride in having my standards, but others tend to confuse these here standards with what they like to call 'high expectations.' And people go into things half-assed, not because they are scared that THEIR expectations, needs, and wants won't be met, but because they aren't 100% certain that they want to do what it takes to meet the expectations, needs, and wants of the other person involved. Therefore, my friends, an "emotional unavailable" person is actually code for "I gotta see what kind of commitment level you expect from me, and then I'll decide if you're worth it." If the juice is worth the squeeze, because no one wants to be squeezing if it isn't worth the juicing.

Sure, if everyone involved is on the same page, there's probably minimal harm to be done. But the emotionally unavailable excuse only flies for so long. There is absolutely nothing sexy about two people who can't get their shit together in order to commit to each other. I would think this is especially true once you've passed a certain age, but that's just my theory, once again. 

I mean, we have all gotten our hearts broken into pieces from time to time, unfortunately, and we all get hurt here and there, not to mention, we get royally screwed over sometimes and all that bullshit, blah blah blah. But that's what finding someone else to be with is all about, is it not? (At least until you've reached a mature age where that is no longer needed. AKA Going around breaking hearts is no longer what the cool kids do, take note). Wipe those tears and throw away that pain. Put your big, adult panties on and earn yourself an "Exceeds Expectations" rating on the significant other performance review. You, too, need to be worth the fucking squeeze already. And emotionally unavailable is not something I juice to. 

(Apparently I needed one more sexual analogy to hit home).