What I Tell Those That Are Younger Than Me About Money

It's the root of all evil. Right? That's how the saying goes, anyway. And I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY AGREE. I know, I know. That might make me more of an AWFUL person than it does anything half-way positive, but hey, it is what it is.

I'm not irresponsible. Let's get that out there, first and foremost. I've never been a huge saver, nor have I been one to blow my money on useless, needless, way-out-of-my-means material things. I own my own home. That makes me legit, right? I despise purchasing electronic things - which is evident by my 1950's-ness 19-inch television currently tackin' up my cute living room. Electronics are expensive. I don't find those purchases fun whatsoever. (But, I love electronic GIFTS! Those are *free!*) Even outside of electronics, I somehow refrain from over-indulging in my expensive hobbies like crafting, for example. Lord knows, Martha Stuart is somewhere-maybe incarcerated, who knows-laughing at all those middle aged scrapbooking/card-making suckers. I don't allow myself to purchase all of the HOT workout clothes I hunt down, even though I torture myself by seeking it out, staring at it via the Interwebs, then never actually being able to purchase these things (if you know Lululemon, you know what I'm talking about here.) Given these few examples, I think I've proven my exceptional willingness to not blow my wad on unnecessary things. I'm curtsying right now.

With all of that said, I'm no expert on money. I'm a 20something, after all, and if you ask me, it's still OK for me to be a little financially UNsavvy. But the time's a wastin' and soon, I'll wake up a broke 40-year-old if I continue down this destructive path. Alright, that's a little dramatic, and it's really not even close to THAT bad, but still. I'm instilling fright in the youngins, don't ya know.

If ever I'm asked by anyone younger than me, I already prepared a very practical answer for all of their financial inquiries. And if ever I have children of my own (God. Bless. Ed.), I'm already 99 percent certain of what I would tell them. There is a secret to being financially savvy in your twenties. And it is literally one piece of advice: don't go to college.

You might think this is bad advice. Because, well, let's be honest, it's really, really, horrible advice, especially coming from someone that has a Masters degree. It's maybe the shittiest advice a young person in today's world needs to receive. But seriously, college breaks yo' ass. It might not seem like it when you are having the fanciest time of your life and spending that Chase student loan drinking studying abroad somewhere fancy. But trust me in that you have to pay for that fancy 20th bottle of fancy French wine eventually. Fancy.

I'm typically the "it's just money, go big or go home" type, and I absolutely HATE that "I don't have the money" is an acceptable excuse in today's world. I like to do lots of activities. I like concerts, and traveling, and god forbid, I like fucking nice things, man. I don't have cheap taste, and that's a really good thing. Even if my income at the current time doesn't condone this luxurious lifestyle, someday it will and I will LIVE. IT. UP. in every way I know how. But for now, I really just wanted to vent in order to portray my hatred for Chase and the smooth way that student loans manage to throw a rather expensive kink in my snobby taste. Even with my salary-based government job.

In conclusion, if you're young, please disregard my advice above and consider this the revised version: DO go to college. But only if a) your parents are buyin', 2) you are a smart cookie and got a full ride or some shit, or c) you're a drug dealer, dating a sugar daddy you found here, or picking a career that will ACTUALLY make you a substantial amount of money within, let's just say (for no reason whatsoever), 6 months (yep, that's all you got, kids.) of graduation.

Otherwise, catch ya on the broke side, suckas. At least I won't be alone.