Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out

No, this isn't a trick! I know what you're thinking. This cannot possibly be a blog about anything other than relationships/dating/sex/lesbians/monogamy/more relationships/more sex. Alas, my frands, it most certainly is a blog about something else! Hip, hip, HOORAY!

Working out has so many benefits. I think we've all been drilled long enough in our lives to know that we should get our asses to the gym, and get our asses outside, blah, blah, blah. We KNOW working out is great for us. What people sometimes fail to mention is why working out completely fucking sucks for us. But Erica doesn't fail, damn you.

Why Working Out Doesn't Always Work Out:

1. Close Proximity. When I'm at the gym and I can hear the guy on the treadmill next to me talking to himself more than I can hear AWOLNATION in my ear (my flavor of the week!), the treadmills are too damn close. When I'm gagging from inhaling your cologne, the treadmills are too damn close. Finally, if your sweat is swinging around and I happen to feel it land on my arm, the treadmills are too damn close. Sensing the trend? Sometimes ONE LESS machine in the gym can open up a world of possibilities. We are trying to work out, after all, not get all up on each other.
2. You have to wear clothes. Work out clothes can seriously be some of the most uncomfortable clothes EVER. If they're too tight, too baggy, to restricting, too spandexy (eek), they can be more of hindrance than a help. I feel so strongly about this that I even tweeted @oldnavy tonight while working out letting them know how grateful I was for their workout capris. I know... I'm a social media whore.
3. Results. After you get done with an intense work out, and look in the mirror, and you expect to see Allison Williams, or Zosia Mamet, (or practically anyone on GIRLS besides Lena Dunham), but you still kind of see Lena Dunham. Not that Lena Dunham isn't beautiful, because she most definitely is beautiful. But ol' girl doesn't exactly scream "I work out!" The results take for. ever. and that's no secret. 
4. Not getting to the gym. If you're like me and have a very strict routine that you absolutely need to abide by in order to get shit done, then....let's just say, a 24-hour spell of food poisoning, can throw a giant wrench in your work out routine. Yes, this did just happen to me. Good news is food poisoning does wonders for weight loss...
5. Missing something. How many times have you gotten to the gym, or pulled into the park for a jog, and suddenly realized you left your cell phone at home? Or even worse, your head phones. Shit happens. And this shit is almost impossible to recover from. When I'm music-less on my work outs, good luck getting me to last longer than 20 minutes doing any activity whatsoever. Well... maybe not ANY activity whatsoever... 

Shit. I just made it a blog about sex.